Monday, July 10
T's sister C came to visit today and she brought bubble toys for the boys, which were a terrific hit. Bubbles flew about the campsite amid smiles and plenty of laughter. But by the middle of the day, D and JT were feeling fractious toward one another so Mama and her boy headed into Provincetown to check out the sites and hang out.
P'town is a fun mix of crazy gay things --- how many tea dances does one town need? - and young families hanging out, with great shops. It's like a very gay Westwood. We had some ice cream (chocolate for the boy, lemon sorbet for Mama) and JT was exceptionally patient as Mama walked through the many garden and flip-flop stores. He was even kind as I looked at one antique store.
And it must be noted that any town that has more than one flip-flop store is a town I can really grow to like.
In the evening we all went to supper together. Finally, after weeks and weeks of not being able to eat much food, my appetite is back. Maybe that's also because for more than two weeks now my first thought in the morning isn't that my life has fallen apart. I'm really feeling like myself again, and that is such a good thing.
In fact, my life felt pretty good today. My lingering concern is that JT is awfully angry in a way that I've never seen before. It's an anger that overwhelms him and always results in tears afterward. I held him last night after he got angry with D and I could just feel his heart beating fast and angry as I whispered over and over in his ear, "it's going to be okay, sweet boy, it's going to be okay." I could feel him relax in my arms afterward, but I still worry.
I know that my job is to make him safe and with each day I grow more confident that I am up to the challenge.
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