Don't Tell Mom and Dad

I'm serious here, so if you can't keep your big mouth shut, read no further. A few weeks back, I received a speeding ticket. I was guilty and had richly earned the honor so I was polite when the policeman pulled me over. He wrote up the ticket and then advised me to come to court so that that the prosecutor could take away the points.

I had no earthly idea what the hell this meant, but I nodded as if I understood. The children riding in the back seat of my car looked sufficiently scared to death.

When I returned home (by then driving the speed limit and not a second faster), I did some reading. In NJ, you don't just get the ticket for your poor behavior but they assign points to your license and, if you accumulate enough, your license goes bye-bye. I was in NO danger of this, but even a few points will cause your insurance rates to go up. And I surely don't want that. So I made plans to go to court.

Since that day, every two-bit lawyer in the state has come out of the woodwork to mail me a nice letter offering to represent me in court. If it weren't for the fact that I receive a letter about this nearly every day, it would be funny. I've now come to believe that this whole process is just a big scam orchestrated by lawyers.

But, hey, I'm totally down with that if that means no points for me. So in a week or two, I'll set off for court, wearing my best good citizen expression and holding the hand of my charming seven year old, who will be freshly washed for his mama's court appearance (please keep your white trash comments to yourself). I am not above working it, since near as I can tell, that's the whole idea of the system anyway.

And this is New Jersey.