A few days ago, I overheard a woman talking about someone else's wedding. The conversation left with me with this overwhelming sense that we should all consider the value of empathy when it comes to living in this world; a world that all too often finds people with smashed dreams.
The speaker was talking about the wedding of a woman she knew. The bride was 41, a mother of three, but marrying for the first time. The engagement ring wasn't fancy or marked with a large diamond. Invitations for the wedding were sent out, but they were confusing. The wedding was at a hotel, nice enough though not an especially elegant hotel. But the groom and bride were in love, or so it seemed to the speaker. What confused me was the speaker's seeming disdain for these people and their wedding. The small engagement ring; the imperfect invitations; the less-than-fancy wedding locale. To the speaker, all of that called the event into question.
But to me, a woman of nearly 41 who sometimes struggles mightily as an unexpectedly single parent; a woman without even a small wedding to recall with happiness; with no tiny ring to admire as a symbol of a life being built together; a woman who is afraid that a happy ending has passed her by... well to me the conversation just seemed so unecessary and so unkind. All of us have our troubles in this world; all of us have our hardships. I am not in the business of comparing on this front. Whether or not my heartache is greater than yours simply isn't important. When people hurt, I sympathize. When they are happy, I celebrate their joy with them. For me it is that simple. To frown on someone else's dreams; on someone else's proud happiness seems downright craven. There is not a finite amount of happiness in this world. Someone else's joy doesn't ruin your own, nor make it less likely. I wish that we could all of us learn this lesson of tolerance and good will for our fellow travelers. We'd be better off if we simply acknowledged that all of us have hopes and dreams. Wouldn't it be nice if they could all come true?
You write exactly what I think. Wish I could do it so well. I always adhere by the old standard "To Each His Own". Your readers might like this film in the making: http://www.seekinghappilyeverafter.com/trailer.html
ReplyDeleteOur wedding was pretty low-key, but looking back, Missy and I both regret that we missed out on so many pleasures of the day because there was so much to attend to. If we had it to do all over again, we would have scaled back considerably - close friends, family (and excellent speakers, of course), and everything at my parents' house. I have zero memories that would be lost by going back in time and getting rid of all the fancy (and expensive) wedding accoutrements.
ReplyDeleteThere is not a finite amount of happiness in this world.
ReplyDeleteIndeed.