Doing Kafka Proud

My house was built in 1930 and, like many houses of that era, has a gas meter in the basement.  The meter itself is new, having been replaced a few years back, but its basement location means that the meter can only be read by the utility company when someone is home to let them in.  In the months when no one is home, they estimate my gas consumption.  When they finally get in to read the meter, they correct the bill for any estimation errors.  In the nearly seven years that I have lived here, every time the estimate is corrected, it shows that PSE&G owes me, not the reverse.  In other words, PSE&G never has to wait for my money.

Every once in a while, the company calls me or includes a notice on my bill warning me that they must read the meter.  Or else.  When that happens, I call PSE&G and schedule a meter reading and on the appointed day, I stay home to let the meter reader into the basement.  This happened most recently in September and the next month my folks were here when the meter reader arrived on October 18.  My dad let him in to the basement; seconds later the meter reader left.  I figured that I was all set. 

So I was somewhat surprised this afternoon when I received a letter from the utility company complaining that they hadn't read my meter in 12 months.  The letter noted that PSE&G had sent me two warnings on my monthly bills and then delivered the big threat: unless they read the meter, they might "disconnect my service for non-access."  I was instructed to call PSE&G at once.

Before calling the utility, I got out my most recent bill (it came in yesterday's mail), the one that supposedly warned me that PSE&G needs to read the meter.  Please note that not only is the alleged notice not present…

 …but the bill also shows that PSE&G read the meter in the month of December (in fact, I was informed by the nice men who replaced my gas line that they had read the meter when they were here earlier this month). 

Nonetheless, I'm not one to ignore the threat of utility cut-off, and so I called PSE&G to check in.  I wended my way through the computerized voice service and was finally connected with Dave, who was quite friendly.  My man Dave confirmed that the meter reader had been here on October 18, though there is no evidence that he actually read the meter.  When I explained that I had recently received a bill which indicated that the meter had been read in December, Dave was at a loss.  When I asked whom I could speak to about the letter threatening to cut off my service, Dave said it was a computer-generated letter and there was no one to whom I could speak.  Then he asked if I would like to schedule a meter reading.

At a loss, I agreed to schedule a reading and then asked the utility to install a device to permit remote readings.  "I'm home tomorrow," I hopefully noted.  Dave consulted the calendar and proposed February 1st.  That day, PSE&G will read my meter and install a device to permit remote readings.  Still a little nervous about the threat to cut-off my service, I asked Dave again about the letter, noting again that I pay my bill every month.

"I've never heard of us cutting off service for meter reading," he advised. 

"Then why the threatening letter?" I asked. 

Trapped in the ninth ring of bureaucratic hell as he apparently is, Dave did Kafka proud: he had no answer.   And with that, our unsatisfying conversation was at an end.