Real Life Conversations with T: Mother’s Day Justice edition

The backstory:  Mother’s Day when you are a single mama isn’t much of a holiday.  But for the last few years T has kindly stepped in to organize a celebration.  As the day she approaches, she has asked what I would like for Mother’s Day.  I’ve said breakfast out and floral baskets for the porch but she has urged me to name a few more items.  I’ve deferred, but yesterday she had a new idea, one inspired by the fact that my trash bin had a hard winter and no longer has a functioning lid.

Me:  This morning, that broken lid bit me.  At 7 am, on my way to the infuriating 7:30 am meeting, I found that my trash bin had been tipped over, the bag of trash torn open, and bits of food were strewn in the driveway.

T: Bummer.  We should get you a new trash bin for Mother’s Day.

(laughter) 

Me:  No jury in the world would convict me for the violence that would follow such a gift.  I’ll be on the witness stand, “Yeah, I shot ‘em in the foot.  THEY GAVE ME A TRASH BIN FOR MOTHER’S DAY.”  The judge will be all, “gotcha, shoot ‘em in the hand now.”

T:  We’d have to pay the court fines.

It’s all moot in any case.  I hit a big box store yesterday and secured a bin with an attached lid.  Possum snack hour is over at Sassafras House.