It’s been six since months since T blew up and our life together came to an abrupt end. I’ve had a lot of time to reflect. The challenge before me is not being on my own. It’s finding the space to look after myself; to identify my needs and embrace caring for myself because I know, really know and truly believe, that I matter. That means supporting myself, slaying my demons, and learning to believe that I am enough on my own, because I am, not because of the things that I do for others. I tell myself that I am worthy but I need to truly believe it and shut down the inner voice that sometimes tells me I am not.. Daily I look in the mirror and remind myself that I am enough, that I mean something just because I am, not because of what I do or whom I look after. When I had a partner, who I am felt relational - I am someone’s person; they are mine. That creates an ‘us’; a ‘we’ and it felt valuable and important. It gave me strength, even as the relationship was failing and I knew I was not being loved or supported. My head knows that I matter without an ‘us’ or a ‘we’ and daily I remind my heart to find and know that strength.
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