Among the Trees: Back to School

 School starts today.  It’s the start of my 22nd year at my school; my 12th in the Middle School.  I’m teaching my 8th grade Civics & Citizenship class for a  4th year.  Lessons are ready, assignments are copied and loaded to the digital platform.  I’ve made adjustments to the class that I am ready to try. 

Clothes for the week are picked out and ironed.  Actual shoes will be worn.  Folders have been created, notebooks and stickers are neatly stacked.  I’m ready. 

If I have any anxiety about the year - and I do - it’s about my health.  Since late August, my wonky, arthritic hip has been on strike.  It’s pained me on and off for the last two years but this round is the worst yet.  I cannot get through the day without an embarrassing amount of ibuprofen.  Sleeping at night has become distinctly uncomfortable, so much so that I rest but don’t really sleep, as I can’t lie down without pain.  So I rest sitting up, which is not especially restful.  I have an appointment with an orthopedic doctor later this month but I am not hopeful that actual relief will be forthcoming.  And so I wait while my fears run amok. 

My greatest anxiety is about the threat to my independence this problem presents.  Just getting up and walking around is uncomfortable and though I keep at it, there are times when the discomfort is excruciating.  At minimum, I need relief from the pain.  At maximum, I’d like to be able to trust my hip to see me through whatever it is I wish to do.  Right now, I am confined to walks in safe places.  My step count is up because I cannot sit for more than 20 minutes without discomfort when I do stand and walk.  So I set a timer and keep moving.  

I am hopeful that things can be made better.  But I am also very, very afraid.  It’s a strange combination, hope and fear.  But it’s where I am at today, as the school year is underway.