The requirement that I lose weight to be allowed the hip surgery I desperately need was frustrating on many, many levels. I think that all people deserve the healthcare they need and the overwhelming evidence is that fat people benefit enormously from receiving a new hip if they need one. While I looked for a surgeon willing to treat me immediately, I also hedged my bets and engaged in food restriction. I wasn’t hungry so much as I was angry. I love to cook and try new things. My mental health suffers tremendously when I count calories. But my crummy self-image was nothing compared to the pain of my crummy hip, and so I did what needed doing.
Contrary to all the bullshit spouted by the media, I’m not fat because I lay about and eat bon bons all day. I’m a person who eats 5-7 servings of fruits and veg on the daily. When my hip doesn’t ache, I am active. My metabolism is shot to hell from years of weird food rules and restrictions. Fifteen years ago, I learned intuitive eating techniques that were the way out of the cycle of misery brought on by near-constant dieting. I adapted the strategies I learned from intuitive eating to limit food and shed the 30 pounds that would earn me a qualifying BMI for surgery. I made the food I craved, including this yummy soup, ate limited portions of it, and I let my anger burn. In this way, I was able to qualify to have medical care. That requirement is totally fucked up, of course. But I played by the bullshit rules and won't stop doing so until I have the hip I need and deserve.
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