Wednesday, December 20, 2023

December Cooking Journal: When Eating Isn’t an Option

The requirement that I lose weight to be allowed the hip surgery I desperately need was frustrating on many, many levels.  I think that all people deserve the healthcare they need and the overwhelming evidence is that fat people benefit enormously from receiving a new hip if they need one.  While I looked for a surgeon willing to treat me immediately, I also hedged my bets and engaged in food restriction.  I wasn’t hungry so much as I was angry. I love to cook and try new things.  My mental health suffers tremendously when I count calories.  But my crummy self-image was nothing compared to the pain of my crummy hip, and so I did what needed doing.  

Contrary to all the bullshit spouted by the media, I’m not fat because I lay about and eat bon bons all day.  I’m a person who eats 5-7 servings of fruits and veg on the daily.  When my hip doesn’t ache, I am active.  My metabolism is shot to hell from years of weird food rules and restrictions.  Fifteen years ago, I learned intuitive eating techniques that were the way out of the cycle of misery brought on by near-constant dieting.  I adapted the strategies I learned from intuitive eating to limit food and shed the 30 pounds that would earn me a qualifying BMI for surgery.  I made the food I craved, including this yummy soup, ate limited portions of it, and I let my anger burn.  In this way, I was able to qualify to have medical care.  That requirement is totally fucked up, of course.  But I played by the bullshit rules and won't stop doing so until I have the hip I need and deserve.  



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