Friday, January 26, 2024

Countdown Mode

Today marks my last 5 day week of school before surgery.  Next week, I have pre-op appointments on Friday; the week after that features another pre-op appointment on Thursday (side note: pre-op is just code for running up the cost for surgery) and the week after that is go-time.  Mornings are brutally difficult for me - getting dressed alone takes me half an hour.  I’m up at 5:15 am, not to enjoy my morning coffee and watch the sun rise, as was my old habit, but simply to get my crap together so I can leave for work by 7:15.  

This reality of being disabled caught me by surprise.  Because I had never had to walk this path, I hadn’t released how difficult it is to try and live a normal existence when one is disabled.  I expect to reflect on that when I get to the other side of this chapter.  For now, suffice it to say that the abled world gets to take a lot for granted. 

Plenty of people have encouraged me to take a few extra days off to ease the burden in advance of surgery.  I appreciate the idea.  But I like my job and these days it is literally the only thing I do outside of home.  I go to work, I drive to pick up groceries that the store shops for me, I go to the library every third Saturday.  That is the sum total of my existence.  So by-passing a day at school to avoid the morning struggle has costs on the other side.  My world has already shrunk and I don’t wish to shrink it further.  These days, as things are growing harder, I’m just grateful that the surgery date has hovered into view.  I am counting the days.

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