Something about heading off for a vacation on our own, and feeling more independent and powerful than I have in years, has me thinking about my future.
It's not really just my future, it's our future, me and JT. I want him to grow up well-loved, of course. But I also don't want him to worry about me, which he has done a lot of lately. I catch him looking at me, worried that I am sad, or worried that I might cry about something. He wants to take care of me. For now, I think that's okay, especially as we adjust to all the changes in our world. And it warms my heart to see that he is capable of compassion and kindness, that he feels the need to care for the people in his world.
But I don't want him to worry about me forever. I want him to grow up sure that his Mama is happy and satisfied with her life. Ideally, I want to love and be loved again by a partner, so that JT lives in a home where he can learn how grown-ups navigate a happy relationship. I want him to see how a successful partnership nurtures a family.
So that's the future. This week, he'll be with his Mama and the R-K family and we are already having fun, laughing and joking, and enjoying one another's company. And he is seeing up-close just how well loved he is.
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