Nebraska, a state where I lived for 8 years and where my son was born, has a safe haven law that protects an adult who brings a child to an established safe haven (like a hospital or a law enforcement office). The Nebraska law is unique because whereas most safe haven laws permit parents to leave an infant, the Nebraska law permits a parent to leave a child of any age.
The upshot has been a handful of instances where a parent seeks to abandon a child who is not a tiny, needy infant, but who is old enough to know that the adult who cares for them has given up. This story on NPR will fill you in. But prepare yourself, because your heart will lurch when you hear it.
After I heard the story, I marched right outside and held my son close. It was a confusing interruption to the day's game. But he's used to living with an emotional mama so he took it in stride and hugged me back.
I don't want to sit in judgment of these parents, because I can't imagine what it must be like to feel you have no choice but to abandon your child. I'm not saying what they've done is okay, because it's not. In my view, becoming a parent is making a sacred vow to look after the heart and soul of a child. Always. But I wonder what it says about our society that some parents are so desperate, so overwhelmed that they abandon their child. When you listen to the story, you'll learn that these people need help.
They need food. They need healthcare. They need mental health help – for themselves and their children. They need someone to listen and to help guide them. They need to know that society cares about them and their children; that society will step up and help out.
Some of that help is available, but the people who need it don't know that and we haven't made it easy to find or utilize. So we are failing these children and their parents. And, in the process, we are failing one another. I don't have any answers here. And I don't mean this post as a condemnation of Nebraska, because I know that if other states had similar safe haven laws, this would be happening to them as well. But I can't stop thinking about these children and their families and hoping that we find some way to do right by them.
Dear Sassafras Mamma,
ReplyDeleteYou are right on key that it is a sad, very sad, state in which a parent feels they have no other choice but to abandon their child in hopes their little loved one may have a better life even if it includes life without them or perhaps even never reconnecting again. It happens every day. Thank goodness for Nebraska that they do have an option to be able to put your little loved one, no matter what age, in a safe haven and perhaps have a "better" life. Sometime yes, sometimes perhaps.
Thank you for your comments.
Your friend,
Karin K.