I first began my daily gratitude practice in 2006, the year my world blew up and JT’s other mother and I separated. Long after I recovered from that heartbreak, I continued my daily gratitude project because it made my world nicer. When tough patches arose, daily gratitude was a helpful practice.
Gratitude is a tool on the table as I struggle with the pain and impairment of a hip that is long overdue for replacement. I cannot find a surgeon willing to give me a hip until I lose weight and achieve a BMI that will qualify me for surgery. That BMI is unscientific and grounded in 18th century sexism and racism is just one of the frustrations of this journey. The magic number can be achieved with a loss of 27 pounds. Since my appointment with that orthopedist in September, I have lost weight, so things are moving in the right direction. I’m doing so by eating a truly scant amount of food. Exercise or movement to burn some calories is practically impossible because of the pain of my wonky hip. I’ve taken to using a cane, which helps, and I am grateful for that. But I am also incredibly angry at a health care system that denies me treatment and pushes me toward greater disability in the process. I know that anger is neither useful nor productive and so I’m leaning in to gratitude as much as I can. Some days that is truly a heavy lift.
No comments:
Post a Comment