Real Live Conversations with Mom: New Jersey edition

The backstory:  It’s Christmas Eve and the town fire department sirens are growing closer.  My mom and I set out on the front porch to spy Santa as he comes by (this is a Jersey tradition).  While we are waiting, one of my neighbors pulls out of her driveway, and honks and waves as she drives by our house. My mom hears the honk, but doesn’t see the wave.

Mom:  What’s her problem?

Me:  She was honking and waving hello.  Damn, Mom, you’ve been in New Jersey too long.

I think that about sums it up, folks.

Real Life Texts with C: Family Humor edition

The backstory: My nephew C and his friend K are on Spring Break.  They came west to see New York City and each day this week, the college boys have taken the train into the city to explore the Big Apple.  On Wednesday, they went to the Bronx Zoo and we exchanged texts.

Me:  Enjoy the zoo.  Also, bring me a bear.

C:  A stuffed bear or are K and I about to hop this fence for you?

Me:  Hop the fence!

Sass is in our gene pool.

Real Life Conversations with Mom: International Politics edition

The backstory:  My extended family is headed to Europe to celebrate my parent’s 50th wedding anniversary and I was talking currency conversion with my mom.

Me:  I won’t get currency for all the places we visit, but I think that I will get some Euros for Germany and Estonia.

Mom:  They’ll be useful in Russia.

Me:  No, they won’t.

Mom:  Yes, they will.  I am pretty sure you can use Euros in Russia.

Me:  Well you sure as hell can’t use them in Ukraine.

Silence.  It would seem my mom isn’t fully informed about Vladimir Putin and his crap.  Internet, expect an international incident involving the Sassafras Family in the coming weeks.

Real Life Conversations with Family: This is How We Roll edition

The backstory:  We were sitting around supper on our last evening in California, reviewing the indignities of airline travel, especially the red tape that is the TSA.  I was expressing my usual objections to the removal of belts and shoes when others chimed in.

KO:  I thought that older people don't have to take off their shoes anymore.

My Mom:  That's only if you are 75 or older.

KO:  Ahhh, you could pass for that, Mom.

Our mom is a rather young looking 70.  None of us have a future in diplomacy.