Reflections on Motherhood

The backstory:

I’ve been thinking about motherhood of late.  What follows is the next a series of entries on that topic.  I caution that these opinions are mine alone and reflect my experience as a mother.  My goal isn’t to offend but is to share my point of view and lay down on (digital) paper some things about motherhood that I have come to believe.

Life for the Solitary Mama

At its heart, my reflections on the life of solitary moms are my recognition that being a parent on your own is a challenge of a whole different order, one only truly knowable to the mothers who experience it.  Even the most independently-minded woman will find that when she is a solitary mama, she needs help.  It may be something as simple as opening the door for her laden stroller.  But that’s really just a symbol of the difficulties a working solitary mom faces.  In every element of her world, a mom-on-her-own is aware of the many ways in which the day’s outcome falls solely and squarely on her shoulders.  

From morning until night, no part of  her day is immune from that underlying sense of responsibility for her child’s life.  It can be small matters of no serious consequence —— good golly, that is an inadequate breakfast I just fed my child.  It can be huge matters of great consequence —— how will I ensure that this child can read? can learn to love with abandon? can master long division? Here the list of anxieties is virtually endless and a mama on her own can be crushed under the burden of them.

Survival dictates that the solitary mom pack up her free-flowing anxieties for unboxing later.  Instead, each day she marches forward Getting Things Done.  Feed the child, feed the pets, get a shower, get to work, stock the fridge, make the supper, love and laugh with my child, find some joy to cling to, and then fall into bed for much-needed rest before it all starts again the next morning.  For the solitary mom, the demands of daily life can be a useful tonic, keeping the mind focused on the here and now.  

But even in the comfort of the here and now, the mama on her own realizes the huge ways that it all rests of her shoulders.  When you are the only parent present, the here and now is mighty demanding enough.  Uncertainty and the future are downright terrifying.  The common cold is unpleasant for all of us but for the solitary mom it’s a forced march.  There is no help on the horizon and she can’t falter.  A bigger health crisis could quite literally mean disaster.  So that fear must be shut away as much as possible.

Support from friends and family is the only way to make it through.  Even that support may be a double-edged sword, as it sometimes carries with it the reminder of what is absent in solitary mom’s world.   The only way forward is to share her joys with those who will listen and to hope others still  believe in the adage that it takes a village to raise a child.  Solitary mom knows she needs that village.  I wish that the village always understood the value solitary mom’s strength brings the community in return.