Largely due to the fact that I am my father's daughter, I arrived at the airport at 6 am for my 9 am flight last week. As it turned out, that was a damned good idea. Newark Airport was awash with the crazy and the lines were epically long.
In typical New Jersey fashion, many people sought to receive special treatment and while that sort of line avoidance was largely unsuccessful (the airport staff were not to be trifled with), it was vastly entertaining to watch so many of my fellow citizens claim to be special.
The 90 minutes in various security lines also provided ample opportunity to ponder the things people wear to the airport. I'm not a girl who expects to make the style sheet in the local paper, so I'm in no position to judge. But judge I shall.
1. Sure, it's warm outside. And yes, it will stay warm. But that doesn't mean you should wear a strapless halter dress. You look foolish and I can't have been the only person whole-heartedly wishing for that tote bag to exercise the call of gravity and give us all a 7 am show.
2. The floor-length maxi dress is cute, I guess. But based on the number of times the sweeping hemline got caught in the wheels of your rather sizable carry-on bag, I think we should conclude that it's not ideal for travel.
3. While I applaud those who left the belt behind (one less thing to remove at the endless security checkpoint), may I note for the record that you should still ensure that your behind is covered? No bootie crack, please.
4. Hey you in the incredibly-short shorts……When your legs stick to the vinyl seats in the waiting lounge it will feel like a giant bandaid is stripping skin from the back of your thighs. I almost wish that I could see the expression on your face when this happens.
5. And now I turn my attention to shoes. We'll all be forced to take our shoes off at the x-ray machine (and that's just ridiculous, but I digress) and easily removed shoes are handy. But the platform flip flops? Neither handy nor useful. Spiked mule heels with bandaids? Those can't be comfy. Unwillingness to re-tie your shoes? You will be sorry when you get to the moving sidewalk.
Six hours later we arrived in lovely, sunny Seattle and I was suddenly awash in a city of people in cargo pants and sensible shoes. I think that New Jersey and Washington are still on the same planet, but I can't be sure.
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