Monthly Book Report: The Little Village of Book Lovers

This little gem of a book, by Nina George, was a library find.  Any title that invokes books and villages is likely to tempt me and so this book ended up in my library pile.  It was a new release, which means I only had it for two weeks before I had to scamper back to the library with it.  I forgot to make a picture before I returned it.  

But the story, set in rural France in the early 1960s, was lovely. We follow the life of Marie-Jeanne, who as an infant was tagged with the ability to see a spark of love on the face of anyone she meets, providing that the person they love is near at hand.  The story opens as Marie-Jeanne is an adolescent, being raised by the family who took her in after she was orphaned  As she matures, she realizes that her talent at seeing the spark of love on other people is not an ability that everyone possesses.  She can’t see her own spark and grows fearful that she may not find love.  She turns her attention to matchmaking, facilitated by books and her love of them.  

The story flows nicely and the novel is filled with rumination about love and happiness, anxiety and grief, and all the emotions in between.  It was a happy little read that kept me engaged and hopeful, two things I very much needed.

Cooking Journal: Cooking Light

The last month has featured some of my tried and true Cooking Light favorites at our supper table.  I made this gnocchi with tomatoes, fresh spinach, and an easy gorgonzola sauce.

I've made lots of different risotto dishes…..always a delicious favorite at my house.  This one was pumpkin risotto with an arugula salad.

I roasted veggies by the pound.

Then I served them up with pasta.

My need to eat light is not shared by the other diner in my house so I make sure that our meals are as delicious as ever.  I eat a modest portion and then feed all the rest to JT, the self-professed “volume eater” (and, it must be noted, “ultra runner”).  It isn’t easy but at least it’s still delicious.

Gratitude Journal: Searching for Hope

 I first began my daily gratitude practice in 2006, the year my world blew up and JT’s other mother and I separated.  Long after I recovered from that heartbreak, I continued my daily gratitude project because it made my world nicer.  When tough patches arose, daily gratitude was a helpful practice.  

Gratitude is a tool on the table as I struggle with the pain and impairment of a hip that is long overdue for replacement.  I cannot find a surgeon willing to give me a hip until I lose weight and achieve a BMI that will qualify me for surgery.  That BMI is unscientific and grounded in 18th century sexism and racism is just one of the frustrations of this journey.  The magic number can be achieved with a loss of 27 pounds.  Since my appointment with that orthopedist in September, I have lost weight, so things are moving in the right direction.  I’m doing so by eating a truly scant amount of food.  Exercise or movement to burn some calories is practically impossible because of the pain of my wonky hip.  I’ve taken to using a cane, which helps, and I am grateful for that.  But I am also incredibly angry at a health care system that denies me treatment and pushes me toward greater disability in the process.  I know that anger is neither useful nor productive and so I’m leaning in to gratitude as much as I can.   Some days that is truly a heavy lift.

Style Journal: The Close of the Flip Flop Season

As warm weather gradually comes to an end, I am reluctantly packing up my flip flops for the season.  This is a transition I never really enjoy, not only because the ease of flip flops are gone but because now my feel must be encased in shoes.  The first few weeks of this transition are not easy for me and as soon as I get home from school, I immediately remove my shoes.  This year’s transition is more complicated than usual because of my wonky hip, which really demands that I wear sneakers or some other very practical shoe.  I am not averse to comfortable shoes - far from it - but I do love a slip-on mule or sandal.  Suffice it to say last’s weeks tumble demonstrated that slip-on shoes and I must take a break from one another.  And so I have mostly been wearing sneakers and - naturally - resenting that reality.  Nearly everything about my wonky hip is a challenge to my sense of self.  From its limits on my ability to walk around and do as I please to its requirement that I ask for help, the constraints placed upon me have been a challenge that I am still finding my way around.  I’ll note that my progress is slow and not always tinted with kindness toward myself.  Everything about this hopefully temporary disability feels that way and I long for a return to some kind of pain-free normal.

Among the Trees: October 5

As I wait for hip surgery, my ability to walk in the woods is somewhat limited.  That’s disappointing, of course, though I am doing my best to consider it a temporary setback.  Once I’ve got a new hip, I’ll be back to my frequent walks in the woods.  Until then, I still find ways to admire trees.  One of those ways is daily recess duty. 

My middle school students have outdoor recess after lunch; the principal and I supervise.  We’re out on the school’s turf field, surrounded by trees and sunshine and some of these afternoons have been downright glorious.  The trees are mostly still green; Fall colors have just begun.  So I know that there will be some lovely Fall color-filled days ahead of me.  

That’s happy!

Lucy is the Boss of Me

On Tuesday morning, Lucy cozied up to the warm spot that remained when I left the bed and then she promptly went to sleep.  I didn’t wake her to make my bed because I’m not a monster.  When I got home, I went upstairs to change and make my bed.  This is what I found. 

Needless to say, my bed remained unmade.  Lucy gets what Lucy wants.

Finding My Strength

 The loss of my independence has been the greatest struggle of this hip situation for me.  I cannot just easily stand up, walk around, and do what I want.  Pain makes me cautious and slow and I do not enjoy that.  For all activities, I have to be aware of the prospect of overwhelming pain.  Since some things have to get done - work, laundry, tidying the house, grocery shopping - those chores are the focus of my time.  I try my best to have pain under control so that I can do the things I must do.   Things that I might like to do - a walk in the park, a trip to the craft store, gardening beyond basic yard work - require pain-free (or pain in control) time and that is a spare commodity.  It’s frustrating and it feels a little unreal that my life can be so suddenly limited.  Add to that the fact that I must lose some weight to have the surgery that will enable me to live freely again and I find myself feeling like my life matters less because I’m fat.  Since it’s been the work of my lifetime to believe that I matter and have value no matter my weight, it’s a demoralizing place to occupy.  

So I slog on, still (mostly) convinced that I matter, no matter what medicine claims.  And when the pain is at its greatest, I demand that my internal dialogue cheer me on, with every step repeating that I matter and that I am the toughest lady around.  Because I do matter and damnit, I am tough. 

October 1: The Hopeful Dieffenbachia

In 2019, my sister gave me plant-a-month birthday present.  For 6 months, tiny houseplants were delivered to my door  It was delightful and this  dieffenbachia was one of those plants.  

It’s grown quite a bit since then - this it it’s third pot - and for Halloween it has a black cat plant stake.  By the end of this month, overnight temperatures will be cool enough that plants must come inside for the season.  But we’re not there yet and both the dieffenbachia and I are determined to soak up the last of the warmth.