Putting Patriarchy on Notice

When I was a Junior in high school - at age 16 - I complained about the way some male classmates were treating me and the Assistant Principal told me to toughen up; that boys would be boys.

I told him to fuck off.

Yes, that is the language that I used.  He called my dad, who for once used less profanity than I employed.  But my dad stood up for me, though in more diplomatic terms.

The event is cemented in my mind because that was the moment my general desire to leave my hometown became a vow to myself: I would get out.  In those days, patriarchy was inextricably mixed with my understanding of my hometown and it’s old-fashioned ways.  Now, nearly 40 years later, I know that patriarchy isn’t just the condition of small town America, it is the condition of all America.

I am 53 and the willingness of men to continue to demand that women wait their turn and be grateful to simply sit at the table is infuriating.  It’s not all men; it’s not all places.  For example, I couldn’t be more pleased that President Biden has moved so aggressively to promote women and women’s issues in his vision of America.  That it’s not just lip service is truly promising.  

But Biden’s attitude and his willingness to take action is not the approach of every person with power; it’s certainly not the approach of every man in power.  And it’s nowhere near the majority point of view in this nation.  I have grown weary of the struggle; of the fight to have a seat at the table and to be honestly valued when I am there.  

The pandemic has reduced my patience for the disregard and ill-treatment of women.  It has made me think about how I need to restructure my investment in relationships and institutions where patriarchy reigns supreme.  There was once a time when I was willing to play my part and wait it out, convinced that patriarchy was on the wane.  But I am not 16 or 25 or even 40 anymore.  And I am no longer willing to wait.