Finding Myself, Again

When I became a single mama who had to turn over her beloved child to his other mother for a weekly vacation with her in the Summer, I knew enough to understand that a weekend without him was one thing but that a week would stretch far too long.  So I began to sign up for teacher’s workshops.  They’d last 5 days or so and I could be there and focus on myself, learning and meeting new people, and not needing to complete mama chores.  It was freeing in a way: I was having fun and he was having fun and that was important since we weren’t able to be together.  Usually, the classes were small - 20-30 people - and the group developed a camaraderie as we navigated the class and shared lesson ideas.  I have fond memories of workshops on Mark Twain, George Washington, and an amazing Civics class taught by Sandra Day O’Conner.  

When T and I parted ways last November, I turned to this tried-and-true formula to fuel an adventure about me.  I signed up for a class.  I’ve just finished the class and - as expected - the history was great.  But the camaraderie was not as expected.  For starters, there were 7 workshops, each with nearly 50 participants, more than 350 teachers in total.  We sat in lecture halls, not around seminar rooms, and so there was a lot more listening than sharing.   I  love a lecture but it doesn’t build much community (side note:  that is for sure a teaching lesson I will remember).  Many people came with teachers from their district or school and so their social network was already set up.  I met people but I would not say that I bonded with anyone.  It was a teacher crowd and so there was a whole lot of husband and partner talk and that often makes me feel a little left out, for obvious reasons.  By the end of the week, I grew weary of having to ask to join a table and so on the last night, I took my supper to a table in the outdoor shade and read my book.  There wasn’t a lot of evening hanging out so I took walks and spent some time reading Cup of Jo comments, which provided a welcome sense of community.  I am proud of myself for going to the class and taking the risk.  My mind is whirling with the things I learned and the lessons I will construct on the other side.  Going to the workshop alone was a trial run to see if I am up for single-gal travel and I think that I learned that I am.