The arrival of warmer weather means that unless there is rain, supper at my house is always served outside on the back deck. Everything tastes better when its eaten al fresco and we’ll be out here for meals until the cold weather arrives. And we’ll be eating salads. I have a nearly endless array of salad recipes and I’m a wizard with homemade dressing so……come on over for salad.
You name the salad and I’ll be serving it on the back deck until it's too dark or cold to eat out here.
It is an established fact that I love to cook. When I was denied a hip replacement until I could achieve a qualifying BMI score, my world - already being shrunk by my growing disability - shrank even further. Once a woman who read new recipes and tried the ones that sounded good, I was now a woman who could only eat 800-1200 calories a day. Briefly, that level of food restriction took the joy out of cooking. Then I resolved to be on the lookout for recipes that were delicious and manageable with my restrictions. Spinach, broccoli, and carrots were my friends, packed with vitamins and fiber to be filling. I upped my fruit and veg consumption from 4-6 daily servings to 5-7 and used intermittent fasting on the daily so that with the exception of coffee, I didn’t eat between supper and noon the next day. Lunch was confined to less than 300 calories. That saved some space for supper, where my plate could be anywhere between 500 and 800 calories, allowing me to continue to try new recipes, even those that did not strictly fit low calorie specifications. Cooking was physically hard (see: hip disability) but became enjoyable again from planning point of view. We ate pretty well in the past month, thanks to my cooking skill and desire to try new things.
I offer this information not as an endorsement of diet culture or food restriction. They are physically and emotionally destructive, the biggest predictor of the development of disordered eating, and unlikely to reduce weight in the long run. Bodies need nourishment and kindness; diet culture and food restriction denies both of these important things. Medical science should know this but orthopedists are not very enlightened when it comes to weight and I was forced into food restriction. When my new hip is installed, I will keep to my daily food and veggie commitment but look forward to renewing my relationship with cheese, which I have missed terribly, nearly as much as I have missed being able to walk more than a few minutes a time.
The requirement that I lose weight to be allowed the hip surgery I desperately need was frustrating on many, many levels. I think that all people deserve the healthcare they need and the overwhelming evidence is that fat people benefit enormously from receiving a new hip if they need one. While I looked for a surgeon willing to treat me immediately, I also hedged my bets and engaged in food restriction. I wasn’t hungry so much as I was angry. I love to cook and try new things. My mental health suffers tremendously when I count calories. But my crummy self-image was nothing compared to the pain of my crummy hip, and so I did what needed doing.
Contrary to all the bullshit spouted by the media, I’m not fat because I lay about and eat bon bons all day. I’m a person who eats 5-7 servings of fruits and veg on the daily. When my hip doesn’t ache, I am active. My metabolism is shot to hell from years of weird food rules and restrictions. Fifteen years ago, I learned intuitive eating techniques that were the way out of the cycle of misery brought on by near-constant dieting. I adapted the strategies I learned from intuitive eating to limit food and shed the 30 pounds that would earn me a qualifying BMI for surgery. I made the food I craved, including this yummy soup, ate limited portions of it, and I let my anger burn. In this way, I was able to qualify to have medical care. That requirement is totally fucked up, of course. But I played by the bullshit rules and won't stop doing so until I have the hip I need and deserve.
The last month has featured some of my tried and true Cooking Light favorites at our supper table. I made this gnocchi with tomatoes, fresh spinach, and an easy gorgonzola sauce.
My need to eat light is not shared by the other diner in my house so I make sure that our meals are as delicious as ever. I eat a modest portion and then feed all the rest to JT, the self-professed “volume eater” (and, it must be noted, “ultra runner”). It isn’t easy but at least it’s still delicious.
During my time off this month, I took the opportunity to make some truly delicious meals for myself, something that was lost in the shuffle of the last few years.
I made a caprese-inspired brunch.
There were zucchini bites.
I am a great cook and I always enjoy cooking for other people. Since I became single again, I’ve also taken the time to cook for myself. It’s a form of self-care that puts my needs at the center of my efforts and that it also tastes delicious is icing on the cake.
Since the weather became warm enough to eat outside, JT and I always have supper on the back deck. Summer suppers are cooked on the grill or are salads and sandwiches that come together easily. Most evenings, we don’t eat until after 7, when the fiercest heat has begun to fade. We soak up the twilight, the growing zinnia and canna blooms, some music, and the time to relax. We share details about our days and enjoy one another’s company. Even when JT is away for the night, I eat outside, with a book and music to keep me company. Al fresco supper has become one of the nicest parts of the Summer and that’s happy.
At the inclusion of the memorial service for my dad, we invited everyone to join us for Sunday dinner, which was one of my dad’s favorite traditions. My sister and her family - who lived in my hometown - went to my parents for supper every Sunday. I’ve long been gone from my hometown, but I joined my share of Sunday dinners when I visited. When I first moved far away from home, I missed dinners with my family.
My home has a similar Sunday tradition, though I call it supper, a nod to my time spent in Tennessee. On Sundays, I usually make a dessert to go with the meal. As it happens, though Sunday is often a fancier meal, I serve supper most nights of the week. We eat in the dining room or, if the weather is warm, on the back deck. Even when I am the only diner, I take care to make myself a meal and set the table. It’s a habit I picked up from my parents and it’s one that I value. I find eating in front of the TV appalling. Making and serving a homemade meal is how I show people that I love and care for them. My ability to put a homemade meal on the table is one of the things I like best about myself. It’s a bit old-fashioned, I guess, but I think that family meals are important. I probably would have made a great farmer’s wife….and the irony of that statement is not lost on me.
The older I get the more I think about the traditions and the habits that are the backbone of my daily life. I think about their origins and their value to me. I appreciate and value them as they deserve.
May brings all the gloriousness of Spring in full bloom, usually with with enough warm weather to reliably plan suppers on the back deck. At Sassafras House, that often means firing up the charcoal grill for burgers or chicken. Just as often, back deck supper is a plate of cheeses, salted meats, crackers, nuts, grapes, carrots or marinated veg, some kind of jam (three cheers for fig jam, by the way)….whatever I have on hand, set on a plate or wooden board and enjoyed with a chilled glass of wine. I know that the Internet calls this kind of thing a charcuterie board but for me it’s snack tray supper and it’s delicious.
I’ve taken to making frittatas and quiches quite a bit in the last year. Sometimes, I plan ahead and get particular ingredients at the market. Just as often, I stir together a frittata with whatever veggies I have on hand. Both frittatas and quiches are forgiving of disorganization and both involve delicious leftovers, which is perhaps their appeal of late.
Each month, I like to cook with a theme in mind. This helps to provide me with some inspiration and also ensures that I don’t fall into the rut of making the same meals over and over. Like most home cooks, I have a few favorites that I regularly serve. But I also like to try new dishes and a theme helps me to do that.
In March, my theme was warm sandwiches. I am a big fan of sandwiches because bread is involved and bread is my food love language. This month, I made some old favorites, including this smoked turkey tartine with green peppers and Swiss cheese melted on top. I serve it with homemade dijonaisse and it’s always good.
This one came from the Original Dish website and had smoked turkey, bacon, pickled red onion, melted havarti, avocado, and sprouts on rye bread with a spicy mayo. It was delightful and will be making a return.
I mixed up a batch of house sauce, a recipe from the Jen Hatmaker cookbook, froze half of it and turned the other half into a saucy Italian sausage sub sandwich. It was a warm and happy antidote for a cold and rainy March evening.
March has some days left and that means a few more sandwiches coming my way. That’s happy!
With T’s departure, I once-again embraced hosting friends for supper at my house. I love planning and cooking for a dinner party on a Saturday night and I am glad to return to hosting guests.
