Later this week, as Spring Break wraps up, JT will head off for a few days time with my ex. That will require some persuasion on my part ---- he no longer seeks the time with her and those 5 days on his calendar look like eternity to him. Whereas he would once go to her house with no complaint, he's now concluded that her life is not his and he doesn't want to go there for more than a day or two. And so I must prepare him for the time away from his home; time he increasingly resents.
I understand that resentment, though I never share my feelings with him. That wouldn't be fair to JT; his plate is already quite full on that front. So I patiently remind him that he loves her and will be happy to see her everyday. He listens but he's mostly unwilling to accept that claim, not when seeing her means not seeing me. I brace myself for the day he refuses to go.
I know he doesn't express these feelings to her. He's told me point blank that she wouldn't listen and doesn't care. I'm in no position to assert otherwise. But I'm tired of this being my burden; I'm tired of having to clean up a mess I didn't make. I dearly wish that help was forthcoming. I know that it isn't.
2 comments:
So sorry that you and JT have to go through this continually. I'll be holding you both in the light.
So, my mom left my dad when I was 2 years old. She never gave child support. She bitched and moaned about every dime my dad ever asked her for (which wasn't very often) if I needed a car or was getting married. She didn't teach me about my period. She wasn't supportive and didn't make extra effort to see me. I saw her as a babysitter. I still have a very limited relationship with her. My point is, eventually JT will care less if he sees her or not, and she will learn that it's probably more trouble to see him than to just leave him alone. I'm sorry to say all that, but I've been in JT's shoes. My mother has often said that our very limited relationship, "must be my punishment for leaving." Yep. There may be such a thing as a clean getaway, but I haven't seen one. My mother does, however, like to claim the good things I do, but has often told me that I am a disappointment because I didn't go to law school and instead chose to be a Mommy. It wasn't really a hard decision for me after being basically motherless until my dad remarried. Best wishes.
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