July 5: Daily Walks

The outdoors are my sweet spot and being able to go for walks and visit gardens and parks has been one of the best parts of my post-hip replacement world.  With the arrival of Summer Break and its relaxed schedule, I’ve made a daily commitment to walks outside.  Sometimes that’s a stroll around my town.  Often, it’s a trip to the familiar landscape of my beloved Colonial Park.

Or a walk in the quiet of Pleasant Valley Park. 

 I’ve also made it a point to find some new places.  For all that it’s small and densely populated, New Jersey has the very best little pockets of beauty, with woodlands and gardens hidden in corners of quiet and sunshine.  I’ve discovered the gem that is the Reed-Reeves Arboretum. 

Just up the hill from my house is the Leonard Buck Garden.  

Being able to go for daily walks and then adding variety to them has been a treat for me, a reminder that being outside is a sure way to bring me the peace and tranquility that feeds happiness.

That’s Happy, What Else?

Several women that I know have had babies this Spring and as I’ve bought tiny little sets of pretty clothes for the new mamas, I’ve added a book from my vast collection of children’s books to their gifts.  This has been a way to share some lovely stories as well as a way to thin my collection, which fills two enormous plastic bins and is far more than I can use when my grandma days arrive (several years from now, if you’re reading this, JT!).  It's also been a treat to look through these familiar books.

Reading is one of my greatest pleasures in life.  So it should be no surprise that as a mama, reading books to a small child was one of my great joys.  I read to JT every night for years, reading books until he drifted off to sleep.  I stopped when I could be sure that he would read to himself at night.  The stories that we read, especially those that we read over and over, served as the very foundation of both his world and mine.  

As he got older, I read to him to slow the evening into sleep and to set him up for a lifetime of imagination.  When I look book at all of those books, I see a philosophy of life coming in to view.  The stories we loved the most were the books that valued unconditional love and taking pleasure in the natural world.  They celebrated shared laughter and joy in the every day.  Some of them served as mantras for the living of the rest of our lives, as did a lovely book called Tell Me Something Happy Before I Go to Sleep.

In this story, a big brother bunny named Willoughby settles his little sister Willa to sleep by reminding her of the happy things she will find when she wakes up in the morning.  Willa, eager to stay awake, responds to each happy thing (her chicken slippers, her sailor suit, her breakfast, and her toys) by saying, “That’s happy.  What else?”

Toddler JT loved this book, with its sweet pictures and gentle reminder that there was happiness to be found in the every day things and practices that made up our lives.  Saying “that’s happy” became a part of our lives, one part reminder to enjoy the here and now and one part reminder that happiness is not finite; there is always more to be found.

On this Mother’s Day, we are apart as JT finishes up his first year of college, and I can’t help but think of this story and Willa’s chant.  In a few weeks, he will be home again and I will be so glad to give him a hug and hear the sound of him in the house.  I’m looking forward to that happy moment, confident that more happiness is around the corner.

That’s happy!

An Ode to Simple Pleasures

I am a regular reader of the Cup of Jo website and enjoy the sense of community that can be found in the comments section (that alone is rather a shocking notion, I think……but this is a site run by women with an audience of like-minded-women)  Last week, there was a post about the simple pleasures of life and readers were encouraged to list their own simple pleasures.

In the midst of the current political mess, my anxiety about the way forward, and assorted everyday worries, I do my best to keep positive.  These comments have been a lovely touch of found joy.  I’ve enjoyed it so much, that it seems silly not to share.  So here it is for you. 

Regular readers know that each month I change the “I love” list in the About Me section of this blog.  That list is an ever-changing collection of things that make me happy; my recent simple pleasures.  I started it many years ago as a reminder to find happiness where I can and it still functions that way for me.  I like a mindset that reminds me to find delight in my daily life.  That’s happy!

September Book Report: The Angry Tide

I picked up The Angry Tide to read as the school year began, confident that it would be a welcome respite as I settled in to busy school days.  I was right about that.

The novel is the seventh title in Winston’s Graham’s Poldark series.  I’ve written before about the series and how much I love these books, you can read that here and here.  The novels, set in Cornwall in the same time period as the American Revolution and into the early 1800s, are terrific stories on their own, with interesting characters woven throughout.  I’ve enjoyed every book in the series and together, the themes of the novels linger well past the reading of the books.  

The stories are parables of privilege and work; of responsibility and happiness.  They are stories of class and feminism.  Graham has an impressive talent for showing the reader all of the characters’ points of view in a well-drawn way, sometimes sympathetic to them, sometimes not.  He’s never unkind but neither does he gloss the truth of each character’s existence and behavior.  Each novel has been a great read, with experiences and turns of phrase I think about well after I’ve turned the last page.

Tomorrow, the Poldark series begins again on Masterpiece Theatre and it’s nearly as well-done as the novels, with beautiful images to boot.  Like the books, it's well-worth your time.

April Book Report: Warleggan by Winston Graham

Last year, a blog that I regularly read and enjoy compiled a list of happy books.  I love happy stories and the generous assortment of recommendations sparked my imagination.  The list is an awesome resource for a reader like me because of the sheer volume of books listed there that I had not yet read.  And happy books?  I am in! Among the books that looked most intriguing to me were the Poldark series by Winston Graham.  Historical novels of Cornwall England with a series of more than eight books to read seemed too good to be true.  I set to reading at once.

This month’s book review is of Warleggan, the fourth in the series.  The cover looks like a cheesy romance novel, but that is not at all the case.  As the series has progressed from the first novel, Poldark, characters in that first story have been developed.  The same characters are present in all of the novels thus far, but to varying degrees as time in the story has progressed.  The series begins as the story of Ross Poldark, a young Cornish gentleman returned from the 1776 war in America to find that his family estate and modest financial prospects have rather crumbled and that his beloved is set to marry another man: his cousin.  The fourth novel, Warleggan, find Ross slowly re-bulding his fortunes while his rival, new money upstart George Warleggan gains a seeming triumph of his own.

The basic outline of the story doesn’t do justice to the power of these novels, which are carefully written explorations of life choices, the foibles of humanity, and the path toward meaning and happiness in the world.  Though they are very much fixed in the time that the stories are set, the late 18th century, they are timeless as well.  It’s a story of privilege and opportunity; of poverty and exclusion; of wealth and power.  The authority of the natural world figures prominently, as both an arbitrary and capricious source of both misery and happiness.  

Happy has its own definition in these novels, as the characters search for happiness, only some of them aware that we must work toward our own meaning in life.  Reading them fills me with reflections about my own world and the ways in which I understand the meaning of happiness.

Finding Hope

The other night as I was moving laundry from the washer to the dryer, I had the idol thought that the third laundry basket I bought a few weeks ago makes this process easier.  After I carried the laundry upstairs, I went to my journal and made note of that basket.  That seems like a small thing and I guess it is, but it reflects a very big deal for me.

Eight years ago my world blew up and I started life as a single mama.  Happiness seemed like it was in painfully short supply.  In the midst of the sadness and the heartache that followed I decided that I had better be on the look out for the small blessings in my life.  My plan was simple: each day I would find one blessing and honor it.  Some days, that blessing seemed damned hard to find.  But find it I did.  One of things that grew out of my search for blessings was the monthly “About Me” notation to the right on this blog.  Regular readers may know that “About Me” changes at the start of every month.  The things that I note that “I love” are a list of some of the blessings that make up my life and my world in the last month.  They aren’t the only blessings in my life; some are small while others are big.  Some are shared, others are mine alone.

What they have in common is the fact that they are things that help me to find and embrace happiness.  There are no rules for these blessings; they simply are.  While I try not to list the same blessings each month, there are some repeats.  Some are silly and some are serious.  All of them help remind me to look for hope in my world.  And when hope seems hard to locate, I have a look at my list and feel just a bit better.

In my mind, happiness is a journey, not a destination.  Like other valuable things in this world, it must be cultivated and sustained.  There are certainly times in life when happiness feels like it is in short supply.  When that happens, I have my little list of blessings.  They bring me hope and remind me to take hold of it and keep trying.

Merry, Merry

I had worried that his newfound knowledge that Santa was really me would leave JT less excited on Christmas Eve.  It turns out that I needn't have worried.  The boy was all spun up with holiday excitement on the 24th.  That night, there was a bit of snow.  My California-bred mother was delighted by this development and so we took Grandma for a walk outside to admire the town luminarias and catch a flake of snow on her tongue.

We came back inside and received our marching orders from JT: we would be awake no later than 7:30 am to check out Santa's largesse.  The next morning, we complied with the boy's orders and hit the living room right on schedule for Christmas morning.

JT was very happy with the contents of his Christmas stocking.

We enjoyed a relaxed day with a mid-afternoon Christmas feast of ham, potato casserole, roasted parsnips, green beans, and hot rolls.

It's nice to have a houseful of loved ones and many blessings in my life, not to mention a day to marvel at my good luck.  Here's to hoping that y'all enjoyed your holiday as well.  Cheers!

Finding Home

August has always signaled moving season for me.  In August of 1989, I left California to move to Tennessee.  I stayed there five years before I took a job that moved me to rural Nebraska.  That was in 1994.  Eight years later, in 2002, I packed up my two year old and my then-partner and I made the transition to suburban New Jersey.  This weekend is the 10th anniversary of that move and it seems fitting that I reflect on the passage of time.

I loved the adventure that was Tennessee and it's the only place for which I've ever been homesick.  I moved to Nebraska for a job and stayed longer than I should have.  These days, when I'm feeling charitable I consider my years in the rural midwest a bit of a lark.  When I'm feeling less kind, I think of rural Nebraska as the place where I wasted my late 20s.  Still, the years there landed me my boy, some good friends, and a truckload of jokes about the midwest, so it wasn't all bad.  I've been back to Nebraska exactly once since I left and though I wouldn't mind seeing the big sky and the amazing sunsets that sweep the prairie, I'm quite glad that I'm not living in rural Nebraska any more.  

I find New Jersey two parts charming and one part difficult.  I love the amazing scenery and the sense of history in my corner of state.   In weather terms, it's the most temperate and balanced place I have ever lived.  The seasonal changes are always lovely and come just in time.  I love the layers of comfortable multiculturalism present in the state.  I do not love the grating accents, the traffic, or the high cost of living.  

I've met some terrific people here and it's home for JT, who was two when he left Nebraska.  It's also a place that has offered him the opportunity for a first-rate education and exposure to a diverse world that would not have been an option in rural Nebraska.  I am forever grateful for that.  New Jersey has gotten the blame for a lot of heartache in my life, but it's also the place where I found T, so that's at least a few points in its favor.

Even so, August always finds me thinking about moving on.  I've lived in the west, the south, the midwest and the east.  Having tasted all four, I'm not sure what will be next.  I do know that New Jersey is home for now and over the years I've grown incredibly happy here; happier than I've been in the other places I've lived.  That counts for a lot, Garden State.  Here's to a few more happy years together.

Corn-tastic

Last Friday, I persuaded T and JT to join me in a local corn maze. I enjoy myself a little corn maze confusion and this was no exception.  JT and T were patient - sometimes amused, I daresay - and even when we got lost, I enjoyed myself.  At one point, as we tramped through yet another familiar row of corn, T announced that she didn't want corn for supper.  And then we were off and running, reciting every possible corn dish we could think of: corn muffins, corn pudding, corn on the cob, corn dogs, corn relish, corn bean mash, popcorn…..we covered all of our corn bases.  Then we spent the rest of the weekend making jokes about hominy.

Years ago, I read JT a book about a bunny named Willa.  When something made Willa happy, she'd say "that's happy, what else?"  Willa seemed to believe that happiness could be available in abundance.  I feel a lot like Willa these days.  It's so very nice to find myself in a place of easy companionship and easy laughter; of shared jokes and future filled with more of the same.   That's happy, I keep thinking to myself.  What else?

Leaning Into Joy

One of the hazards of life for me has been the idea of uncertainty.  I'm not a pessimist, per se, but events of my past and my sadness about them conspired to encourage me to regard uncertainty more as potential danger than potential happiness.  I've worked hard on addressing that world view in the past two years.  Just putting living with less fear on my life list constituted progress because it meant I was able to openly acknowledge that specter's influence in my life.  A few months ago, I watched this Brene Brown TED talk and then used her words and ideas as a sort of talisman of personal bravery; of being whole-hearted.

I don't wish to live with fear as much as embrace the opportunity implicit in uncertainty.  I've used the regular features of my life as a way to take on that fear.  Planting a few different plants in the garden, picking up a book outside my usual interests, trying a new style of clothes, re-organizing a successful lesson to aspire for even greater success…….all relatively small acts that nonetheless felt like acts of bravery for me. 

It's amazing how far a little courage can take me.  It's lovely to see the prospect of uncertainly, associate it with potential good in my life, and then contemplate how far good can take me.  I still have doubts, of course.  That's human.  But I've gotten a lot more comfortable about the fact that I don't know how these chapters will end.  And these days I'm okay with that.