Friday, June 24, 2011

Leaning Into Joy

One of the hazards of life for me has been the idea of uncertainty.  I'm not a pessimist, per se, but events of my past and my sadness about them conspired to encourage me to regard uncertainty more as potential danger than potential happiness.  I've worked hard on addressing that world view in the past two years.  Just putting living with less fear on my life list constituted progress because it meant I was able to openly acknowledge that specter's influence in my life.  A few months ago, I watched this Brene Brown TED talk and then used her words and ideas as a sort of talisman of personal bravery; of being whole-hearted.

I don't wish to live with fear as much as embrace the opportunity implicit in uncertainty.  I've used the regular features of my life as a way to take on that fear.  Planting a few different plants in the garden, picking up a book outside my usual interests, trying a new style of clothes, re-organizing a successful lesson to aspire for even greater success…….all relatively small acts that nonetheless felt like acts of bravery for me. 

It's amazing how far a little courage can take me.  It's lovely to see the prospect of uncertainly, associate it with potential good in my life, and then contemplate how far good can take me.  I still have doubts, of course.  That's human.  But I've gotten a lot more comfortable about the fact that I don't know how these chapters will end.  And these days I'm okay with that.


Nichole said...

The nice thing about uncertainty is that though it sometimes leads to pain it can also lead to great joy. Some people look to religion or drugs or whatever to help them deal with uncertainty, but I'm all about embracing it. Fear and anxiety are so powerful, but the rewards of both dealing with and conquering them are immeasurable.

Shark Butt said...

And in the process perhaps you could recognize and give yourself credit for the courage that it requires to remain hopeful.