One of the hazards of life for me has been the idea of uncertainty. I'm not a pessimist, per se, but events of my past and my sadness about them conspired to encourage me to regard uncertainty more as potential danger than potential happiness. I've worked hard on addressing that world view in the past two years. Just putting living with less fear on my life list constituted progress because it meant I was able to openly acknowledge that specter's influence in my life. A few months ago, I watched this Brene Brown TED talk and then used her words and ideas as a sort of talisman of personal bravery; of being whole-hearted.
I don't wish to live with fear as much as embrace the opportunity implicit in uncertainty. I've used the regular features of my life as a way to take on that fear. Planting a few different plants in the garden, picking up a book outside my usual interests, trying a new style of clothes, re-organizing a successful lesson to aspire for even greater success…….all relatively small acts that nonetheless felt like acts of bravery for me.
It's amazing how far a little courage can take me. It's lovely to see the prospect of uncertainly, associate it with potential good in my life, and then contemplate how far good can take me. I still have doubts, of course. That's human. But I've gotten a lot more comfortable about the fact that I don't know how these chapters will end. And these days I'm okay with that.