JT had his first soccer game of the season last Saturday morning. We woke to a beautiful fall day and when we got to the soccer field, Lisa was there. So there we three were: JT and the people he loves best in the world. There were three of us. But there was no 'we'.
Lisa stood 10 yards from me to watch the game, following JT on the field and studiously avoiding any contact with me, the woman who grew that boy in her belly 7 years ago. JT played the game with enthusiasm and during the breaks went back and forth to talk with us both.
Honestly, I spent most of the game overwhelmed by the experience. Lisa has spent the last 4 months telling me and anyone else who asks that this arrangement, JT's broken family, is better for all of us. Last Saturday, I wanted to ask Lisa just what she means by better. But she doesn't have the answer for that and instead I would hear silence, the sound of her pretending that what is better for her is okay for the rest of us. For the last two years of our relationship, I've felt that our values were profoundly different. Lisa tried to deny that was the case, but her actions speak louder than her words.
This week, I came to soccer by myself and I watched with pride as my boy played the game. The two of us are our own 'we' now. And day by day I am learning just how powerful that can be. There are even moments when I feel sorry for Lisa. Because anyone who believes that it's okay to walk out on her family and daily life with a child who loves her just doesn't understand what better really is.
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