The other day, I was asked to name five things I couldn't do without. I figured the question should be taken seriously so I said things like my son and books. And that's true, of course. But upon reflection I've come up with an updated list. One that doesn't reflect well upon me and reveals just how seriously shallow I am.
1. Hot wax….and if you have to ask, then bully for you. But some of us need wax to maintain control over surly eyebrows. And perhaps elsewhere. But that's none of your damned business. Ahem.
2. Underwire……seriously, this here is a miracle item essential to my well-being and upbeat nature since the 7th grade.
3. Washer, dryer, and dishwasher…..God's trifecta of happiness for the cleanly-inclined.
4. Jack Daniels....I don't drink all that often (and never alone because, honestly, I don't need to add that sort of trouble to my already precarious existence). But some days call for a cocktail. 'Nuf said.
5. Tylenol PM...which is the sole reason I am able to sleep at night. If some study revealed it to cause cancer or liver failure or some other troubling condition, I would be so seriously fucked. Then I'd pour myself a hefty tumbler of Jack Daniels, toss back a couple of the magic pills, and sleep off that unwelcome news.
There. I feel relieved. You feel either horrified or smug. Maybe both? But that's gotta be why you come here in the first place, I figure.
And I'm happy to oblige.