Thursday, July 24, 2014


Weekends typically find T and I making a visit to Home Deport for the ingredients of the weekend’s project du jour.  We enjoy Home Depot and have been known to wander around unsupervised, checking out all sorts of things.  So it was that we came across the toilet section.  Having recently read Bill Bryson’s At Home, I was a little more attuned to the value of a toilet than usual (our ancestors had frankly appalling sanitary habits) and T and I were both bemused at the names assigned to toilets.  There is the Prelude, which raises some interesting questions about what follows some time spent on this toilet.

Perhaps the Wellworth is more suitable.  A seat here is well worth your time?

I suspect that the Cadet is for the newly toilet-trained.

Those of us who are proud of our efforts might prefer the Champion.

My sister suggests that toilets should simply have serial numbers, which would be more tasteful, though less amusing.  Internet, we can do better than this.  T and I think we should simply call it as we see it.  To that end, we recommend some new toilet lines, with bold and proud names.

For your manly toilet needs, may we recommend:
Jimmy Cracked Corn
Commander Commode
The Rear Admiral (comes in camo)
Dark Logger
The Stink Ninja
The Clearinghouse

We also decided a line of toilets for children is warranted.  How about:
Lil’ Johnny 
The Poop Tray 
The Scout

Let’s not forget the ladies:
The Fashionista (in a lovely Pantone colors, of course)
The Chamber Pot

In our specialty line, we suggest The Elvis: King of Thrones.  This one comes with a spandex jumpsuit and rhinestone belt and buckle.  For obvious reasons, one should take care when seated on this toilet.

Once our line of toilets is manufactured, we intend to stage a store opening.  The theme song is an obvious choice.  We’ll be playing Fleetwood Mac’s “Go Your Own Way.”

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