Saturday, June 30, 2018

June Book Report: South Riding


I love all things English; add in the English countryside in the interwar period and I’m sold.  This book, written in the early 1930s and published in 1936, fits the bill and then some.  The author, Winfred Holtby, a friend of Vera Brittain and a writer who travelled in the edges of the Bloomsbury circle of writers, was a prolific writer who died just before she turned 40, soon after the novel was completed.  In my version of the story, there’s an afterward from the original publication written by Brittain.


Most of Holtby’s works were in the realm of traditional journalism, where her work was well-received.  Holtby grew up in Yorkshire and clearly loved her home.  The novel, set in an imaginary Yorkshire town in the midst of the Depression, has a strong and affectionate sense of place.  At the center of the story is Sarah Burton, a 40-ish career woman who has returned home to Yorkshire to head a local girls school.  Burton is a daughter of the working class made good, with politics that tend toward the socialist side of progressivism.

Though the story is centered on Burton, it’s full of the other figures in South Riding, especially the local town council aldermen (and one impressive alderwoman, likely modeled on Holtby’s mother), some of whom seek to do good works and others of whom seek to line their pockets.  England of the 1930s is in transition and it’s not yet clear where this will take the nation.

The novel weaves a leisurely story of the poverty and prospects of the 1930s.  It’s splendidly written, with powerful descriptions and an easy sympathy for the varied characters who make up the South Riding world.  Much of the reflections of the narrator lend themselves to remembrances of WWI and the modern reader can’t help but think of a second war soon to come.  Holtby references the political struggles in Europe but as fascism and Nazism have yet to play themselves out, that part of the story is incomplete, as it was in 1935 when the novel was finished.

There’s something haunting about a story set before a cataclysmic war that the reader knows is coming.  The descriptions of 1930s economic class and social change echo in 2018 America in a way that felt timeless and, at times, less hopeful than I would have liked.  Contemporary politics in this nation has me living with a sense of dread. But Holtby, a social reformer, saw shades of hope in the Yorkshire and England of her novel.  

These days, I need that hope, however faint. I enjoyed this second reading of South Riding and when I set it back on my bookshelf it was with the sense that I would read it again in a few years.  When that time comes, I know that Holtby's South Riding and Yorkshire will be the same. I’m hopeful that the United States will be in an all-together better place.  


Thursday, June 28, 2018

Living in Hope


My default response to troubling news is to announce that I will live in hope.  When I say that, I mean it.  It’s not always easy to live in hope but only light can carry us through dark times.  Only light makes the world better, so hope is what I have. 

And it’s not as if hope is a weak doctrine.  Hope can inspire and push me forward.  Just one smidge of hope means a flame that will grow larger when it identifies other signs of hope.  It’s powerful in the bleakest of moments.

In the world of politics, this week has seemed bleak.  The resignation of Justice Kennedy feels paticularly unsettling.  I woke up this morning to Donald Trump blathering on that he is honored that Justice Kennedy has confidence in Trump’s ability to appoint a worthy successor.  Kennedy didn’t say that, of course, and I respect his legal scholarship enough to believe that he doesn’t think that, but the fact of Republican control of the Senate and Kennedy’s retirement remains nonetheless.

I need hope now; we need hope now.  And it is there.  It’s in the words of John Lewis, who yesterday reminded us, “Do not get lost in a sea of despair. Be hopeful, be optimistic. Our struggle is not the struggle of a day, a week, a month, or a year, it is the struggle of a lifetime. Never, ever be afraid to make some noise and get in good trouble, necessary trouble.”

It’s in the face of  Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez on the night of her impressive primary victory in New York.  It’s in the words of scholar Tressie Cottom who celebrated Ocasio-Cortez’s victory with a tweet that made me smile, “If you elect all the socialist brown women with a strong red lip game things won't be magical BUT IT COULD NOT HURT.”

We are concerned.  We are vigilant.  But we are together and won’t be frightened into retreat.  Because when you live in hope you know that there is light ahead.

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

People of Good Will


I’m following the stories of Sarah Sanders being asked to leave a restaurant and Maxine Waters urging Trump’s opposition to confront the Administration with a certain amount of distance; it’s not as if I expect to have the opportunity to kick the president or his minions off of my front porch.  

My default mode is polite, but even the nicest people have boundaries and if I owned a restaurant I wouldn’t wish to serve Sarah Sanders, so I understand the impulse.  I abhor the cruelty that passes for political discourse in the current atmosphere.  At the same time, I recognize that it begins with Trump, who seems to do and say whatever he pleases and who enjoys the fallout from his thoughtless remarks.  The president is mean, small, and ignorant.  Silence in the face of his false claims and bombastic commentary brings us all to his level.  It’s one thing for us to be polite to one another; it’s another to serve as the president’s whipping boy.  I didn’t start this cruel discourse, but neither will I endure it quietly.

I think the opposition must therefore thread a narrow channel through the needle of political discourse: polite but cold; passionate but reasoned; objecting wherever and whenever we can.  I don’t think we all must agree; I believe that people of good will may disagree and still move forward together as a nation.  My problem is that I no longer believe that Trump and his supporters are people of good will.  And that is a terrifying prospect.

Monday, June 25, 2018

Perspective




This week, my son registers for his first set of college classes.  While I worry about sending my only child off to college, thousands of hard working immigrants are separated from their children at our borders because our president is a racist, ugly, heartless little man.

Perspective.

As long as there are flowers, I will live in hope and fight like hell to make sure that my nation lives up to its promise of equality, justice, and liberty for all.  





Sunday, June 24, 2018

Believe in Yourself


I became a single mama in 2006 and for a few years everything had the potential to sting.  I put on a brave face and tried my very best to put one step in front of the other.  But in the dark of the night, I would often doubt myself.  And once I allowed one doubt to voice its self, others would emerge until my inner voice was a long list of ways that I didn’t measure up.

I knew that down that black hole of doubt lay ruin.  So I made a concerted effort not to doubt myself and to at least pretend to believe in the power of transformation.  Easier said than done, of course, and doubts emerged anyway.  So in 2009, I tucked a secret treat into my Christmas stocking to remind me to believe in myself.


The ring is chunky and made of silver and the carved words inside one edge were both a useful reminder to (literally) have on hand and a talisman against doubts.  I wore the ring daily and it helped me to feel strong.  Eventually, it became a symbol that I am strong.

I still slipped it on each day as a good luck charm of sorts.  Sometimes I could laugh at the crushing doubts that had led me to its secret message.  But I was still superstitious enough to keep it close.

During the week before graduation, I misplaced the ring.  Since I rarely lose items like this, I had no idea where I should even look for it.  It had been so valuable as I navigated the world of single parenting that it seemed odd to lose my charm just as I was realizing one of the biggest moments in my life as a parent: my son’s high school graduation.

The week before graduation was busy with both celebratory events and chores. Though I was sad to lose the ring, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that the loss of my good luck charm wasn’t paralyzing.  I’m someone who obsesses over little things like this, but this time I didn’t obsess.  I wondered if the universe was sending me a timely message to let go of certain anxieties.  I took the hint.

And then I found my talisman on my desk at school, likely tucked safely away after I’d put some lotion on my hands.  I’m glad that I found it, both because it’s my good luck charm and because it was a companion that saw me through dark times.  This silver ring has memories and promises in its scratched edges and I’m glad to have it back on my hand.




Saturday, June 23, 2018

An Epiphany of Sorts




I haven’t been posting or writing very much in the past few weeks.  First, there was the usual end-of-school busyness (this time on steroids because JT was also graduating).  Then there were celebrations and a week of family in town.  Then JT left town for a week, the first of three trips he’ll make this summer before he goes to college on August 19.  It isn’t as if I have nothing to say; quite the reverse, in fact.  But my feelings felt like they need to be kept in check lest they overwhelm or cripple me.  

For my whole life, I’ve wanted to be a mother.  When I became pregnant at the age of 32, it felt like an amazing miracle of science.  I was thrilled.  Being a mama hasn’t always been easy, especially the years of being a mama-on-her-own, but motherhood was nearly always the joy I expected.  I relished every stage as JT grew up.  I ultimately chose a career that made it easier to be a parent and though I sometimes grumbled, I always liked being a mama.  From little league games and mother’s day tea to 8th grade plays and cross country championships to every school event in between, I was there.  And then I did the laundry, made supper, and headed off to the next event.  I was sometimes exhausted, but I always liked it.

The next chapter of life promises to be different.   JT will be 180 miles north of home and he won’t rest his head in my house every night.  I’ve carefully accumulated the bedding to feather his nest with the pleasing thought that I am making plans to keep him rested and cozy as he makes this transition.  T and I will head off for the weekends to watch him run as often as we can, but there will also be time for our own adventures.  I think things will be less frantic for us.  I’m still wrapping my mind about what it all means.

Unless you count Lucy squawking her displeasure (and I don’t), this last week has been quiet at my house.  There has been less laundry and the house is clean; supper is served when I’m ready to make it.  T and I have had conversations with no interruptions.  I’ve been busy and happy and my text exchanges with JT have been funny and frequent enough to please an anxious mama.

I don’t quite know what I  expected, but it’s been fine.  Nice, even.  I thought of this as I refashioned a bouquet and placed it in an antique Mason jar on the radiator cover in the front window.  I haven’t placed bouquets in this place in this house and I was wondering why when I realized that for years, there was a busy and indelicate boy running around and slamming the doors.  Glass jars with flowers located in vulnerable places seemed unwise.

But now it is safe for glass jars to be in vulnerable places.  And while that’s different than the happiness of being a full-time mama, it is happy.  I expect that this next chapter will still have some bumps (and tears).   But for now, I’m more excited than anxious and that’s a nice place to be.




Thursday, June 21, 2018

An Updated Porch


I’ve been planning to refresh the paint on my front porch for more than a year but the chore always felt like it could wait.  So it did.  In advance of the party we threw to celebrate JT’s graduation, I really wanted the porch painted.  For various reasons, the job waited.  And so in true Sassafras-fashion, I spent the last week of school (the week before graduation) getting after the job.



First I painted the porch floor, taking care to put some extra coats of paint on the newer section of the porch by the steps.


I got after the trim, including what seemed like dozens and dozens of intricate spindles.  I bit off almost more than I could chew and did it on purpose, knowing that once I started, I would have to finish.



To be honest, it was exhausting.  And since it happened while regular school was in session and JT had his end-of-the-year athletic celebration and then prom night, I did the job in pieces.  I started on a Sunday and finished on Thursday evening, with just enough time for the paint to dry before my parents arrived on the Friday before graduation.


Whew!  


It turned out beautifully and now that school has ended, I’m out here whenever I have a free moment.  That’s happy!

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

June Front Porch


The June front porch is cheerful and happy, with plenty of flowers and plants.  In the evening, there are twinkling fairy lights on the table and in the shefflura tree.


There’s a new flag to welcome us home; it’s a Mother’s Day gift from T and JT that joins the hanging fuschia baskets T gave me.  Both seem just perfect for me; a reminder that I am loved.


The wreath on the door welcomes summer days.


Thanks to the fresh paint job, it’s more welcoming than ever.  This front porch is a happy place for both morning coffee and evening iced tea.  In the warm weather months, it’s my favorite room in the house.



Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Spoiled Rotten


At some point this past Winter, our incredibly patient office manager T gently suggested that she create a special box for my mail.  I had grown accustomed to treating my work mailbox as a locker of sorts and it was crammed full of mail.  When T recommended a large box of my own to supplement the modest mailbox, I realized that she’d had enough of my nonsense.  Though she would never say it out loud, my mailbox malfeasance was driving her mad. 

So I vowed to clean out my mailbox and did so that afternoon.  Subsequently, I kept it tidy and, once the habit was established, I began to brag about my clean mailbox.  Then I began to demand that my efforts be awarded.  After our Middle School closing, a ceremony where we hand out awards to a few students, I complained that I had not received my award.

I figured that the amazing T would print me a fancy-looking certificate from her magical office computer. I would humbly accept, pin it on my bulletin board, and brag loudly.  We’d all laugh.

Today, when I arrived at school, my boss and T were in the office and my boss was loudly thanking T for his award, a basket filled with treats and a sign that read “1st Place Clean Mailbox Competition.”  He was holding the basket and pointing to his cleaned out mailbox.


Come to find out, I did receive an award, a metal tray that T filled with treats that I neither earned nor deserve.  It’s amazing and lovely, a treat I find very pleasing.


I’m spoiled rotten by the most amazing co-workers anyone could possibly have.  And my mailbox remains tidy.

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

Family


My parents flew into town on the Friday before JT’s graduation, on the heels of my nephew S’s own high school graduation.   They were here to celebrate with us and they were proud.


We were joined by KO and S, who made the celebration that much sweeter.




There were flowers and fairy lights to go with the cake.


It was a celebration with laughter, joy, and a few tears.


That’s happy!

Monday, June 11, 2018

15 Years and a Lifetime


JT has been a student at our school, Rutgers Prep, since he was three years old.  I started teaching at our school in 2002; he started pre-K the next year.  So for the better part of 16 years, we’ve been at our school together.   For so many of those years, I simply took it for granted that we’d go to school together.  Because that’s what we did; we went to school together.

On Sunday, we went to our last school event together, JT’s graduation.  As I had done for every other graduation at this school, I sat with the faculty as part of the event.  I suppose I could have asked to sit in the audience with my family, but it seemed fitting that I witness this ceremony as I had seen so many others.  I reflected on the passage as time.  What started as a little boy holding my hand and walking across campus to class came to a lovely close on Sunday, as my young man received his diploma from the only school he’s ever been to from people he's known for his whole life.


In the lexicon of our school, JT is a “lifer” who has been at the school for all of his education.  In our lives, it’s meant that he graduated in the company of friends, some of whom have been his friends for all of the time he can remember.


The day was sweet and emotional; a culmination of both a busy week of celebrations and lots of memories as I paused to consider how fast the last 15 years have flown past.  I am now the mama of an 18 year old who is ready to head off to college.  I’m proud and excited and a little nervous as we prepare to open the next chapter of our lives.


But mostly I’m feeling lucky and blessed.  

Thursday, June 07, 2018

Prom


JT and A headed off to the Prom last night.  At the various pre-Prom events, I made a load of pictures because that’s what you do when your son dresses up in a tux.




They were lovely and happy.



The evening was splendidly beautiful.


Come to think of it, so were the kids.


It’s an emotional week for me as my boy graduates from the school he’s called home for 15 years.  I’m trying to live in the moment and enjoy it all.  He’s looking pretty grown up these days, so I suppose it’s time.  But wow, where did the time go?




Monday, June 04, 2018

The Final Bullpen


Every Sunday evening , I set out the clothes I will wear for the week.  During the weekend, I do laundry and otherwise get everything prepared for the coming week.  Then, on Sunday night, I iron and hang the week’s clothes on the door of my closet.  I call the assortment my bullpen and I organize it to make my weekday mornings less chaotic.  As the week unfolds, the bullpen empties.  Then, Friday morning arrives and I put on the last of the week’s clothes, mentally celebrating the weekend that’s now at hand.

This practice has been my habit for as long as I’ve had a 9-5 job.  I like the organization and comfort of the routine.  And I especially love the last bullpen of the school year, which signifies that summer relaxation is at hand.  Strictly speaking, because of my assistant principal gig, I still work in the summer months.  But it’s a relaxed flip flop-wearing dress code and I do not iron summer clothes.  

The last bullpen of the school year was made ready last night.  



The iron is put away for the coming months and my toes are getting ready for the flip flop days to come.  That’s happy!

Saturday, June 02, 2018

Field Day


On Friday, we held our annual Middle School Field Day.  The night before, as JT and I were reviewing the weekend’s events, I mentioned the coming day.  He began to reminisce about how much he loved the annual Field Day, which happened every year in the closing weeks of school.  As his 15th (and final!)  year at our school has begun to close out, JT has had plenty of memories to sort through.  Many have been happy, but none have been as joyous as remembering Field Day.


To say that JT loved Field Day is an understatement.  Over the years, the two things he always loved about school were recess and Gym class. In Field Day, he found an entire day devoted to those two things.  It was JT-heaven.  He planned for the day with the precision of General Eisenhower organizing D-Day.

He’d bring sunscreen, a lunch, and a small cooler filled with ice, water bottles, and his yearly bottle of Gatorade.  We’re an over-heating people, so JT’s cooler also had wet paper towels, carefully folded, slipped into ziplock bags, and laid on the ice.  Preparation for Field Day was a precision operation.   He went with generous  supplies.


He returned at the end of the day bathed in dirt and sweat, as happy as a boy could possibly be.


T’s last Field Day was in 8th grade; these days he goes to Tough Mudder races with his friends.  And he heads off to those with a carefully packed gym bag and a precision plan.


The signs were there all along.

Friday, June 01, 2018

June 1: Garden Hostas


May was a busy month of blooms, thanks to abundant sunlight and rain.   My hosta beds rather led the way.   In the front yard, the addition of these elephant-leafed variegated hostas has been a treat.  They remind me of some hostas I saw in Sweden in 2014 and I admire them every morning.





This flowerbed has been a two year project and I am delighted by it every day.


In the backyard, the hostas along the garage have filled in the flower bed in which they rest quietly all Winter.


By the back deck, there are more hostas.  


I transplanted some hostas to this line along the west edge of my house.  The bed needs some mulch but is otherwise growing quite nicely.


Perhaps this more mature assortment also alongside the house provided inspiration?


I first began to admire hostas when I lived in Nashville.  To have so many of my own is a treat I never grow tired of enjoying.  That’s happy!