The End

This weekend is Labor Day, the traditional end of the summer. That's doubly true for me, as I am a teacher and next week I will begin teaching and my son will start the second grade. Since I was 4 years old, I've been starting school in the month of September. I did that for 22 years as a student and I've been doing it for 14 years as a teacher. So in very real ways, this is both the end of the summer and the end of another year.

With the end of the summer, it seems fitting to reflect on just what the summer of 2007 has meant for my son. This was a summer of big accomplishments for my boy. First off, he learned to read in a confident way. He has been reading for over a year now, but this summer, it really clicked in a substantial, life-changing way. He took risks and sounded out new words and he saw how much more of the world is open to you when you can read. He began to read chapter books to himself. He calls that "reading in your brain" ------ no longer reading out loud to prove to your mama or your tutor that you can do it, but now reading to yourself.

I think that the leap in reading was fueled by another accomplishment: learning to ride his bike without training wheels. The bike is a world of freedom and speed for JT and proud doesn't even begin to describe this accomplishment. If you come to our home, you will be hauled outside to admire JT's bike and then you will be told sit on the front steps while he goes whizzing by you in a burst of speed.

The physical accomplishment really informed the mental accomplishment of reading. And the two came together beautifully. So I have enjoyed a summer filled with long bike rides and leisurely conversations on those rides. And then, when we come home, we can curl up on opposite sides of the sofa, each of us with a book in hand. And we can read together.

It's the end of the summer and that's always bittersweet. But with the mastery of these two skills, a whole new world is opening up for JT, a world ripe with possibility. A beginning, if you will. And that is a most happy thing.

Real Life Conversations with JT

This conversation was enjoyed in the car on the way home from school today.

JT: That was funny Mama.

Mama: I am often funny.

JT: Yeah...........but sometimes you're not as funny as you think.

Mama: Really?

JT: You say things that are funny to you but not funny to a kid. So you make yourself laugh, but not me.

Mama: Guilty as charged son.

People in Glass Houses

There is an old phrase that "people who live in glass houses should not throw bricks." Fair enough and I consider myself properly warned.

But here is the real truth: people who live in houses with a lot of glass (and there are 29 windows in my home) should not have children. As part of the mama cleaning tsunami this month, I have been cleaning the windows. And nearly every window I see has the tiny greasy marks of a child's fingers. No matter how often I get out the newsprint and windex, there is always a smudge to be cleaned. It's enough to drive a mama crazy.

Or in my case, crazier.

Crisis Aversion

I returned to work today, participating in meetings that are part of our efforts to get into fighting shape for the school year. It was great to see everyone and I always love free lunch, but by 3 pm I was ready to get home, see the kittens, and work out. All summer long, I've had my workout by 10 am in the morning, working up a sweat and then spending the rest of my day feeling virtuous via my endorphin high.

10 am today found me in a meeting. But no matter, I told myself, I would work out when I got home. As soon as I got into the house, I changed into my workout clothes, stretched my muscles, and hopped on the machine. I heard a slow buzz: low batteries. Oh no! Replacement batteries were installed but the machine had a hard time starting up and I feared it was broken. Visions of such a horror overwhelmed me and I stepped off the machine for a little deep breathing.

Once again rational, if not exactly calm, I checked things out. For the reasons I don't yet understand, the machine started right up and I had my joyous reward.

All praise the eliptical.

An Apple from the Family Tree

My sister's children have been taught to answer the telephone, a skill JT is not the least bit interested in mastering. So when I call the Sassafras Sister I'm liable to get one of my nephews on the phone. I like this but they are generally NOT AMUSED. My nephew C, with thick dark hair and big brown eyes, looks like a member of the Sassafras family, but that familiar face of his hides a whole other being. He's not particularly chatty, this young man, and this is always amusing to me because his mother and I are nothing but chatty.

Yesterday afternoon I phoned KO's house and C answered. I asked about the 4th grade, mentioning that my 4th grade teacher was my favorite ever. He wouldn't bite.

"Who is your teacher?" I asked.

"Mrs. O," C reported.

"How was the first week?" I inquired.

I got a one word response, "Fine."

Never one to give up, I threw out one more question, this one kind of sassy, "So you're planning to go back for another week?"

You could feel the "as if" response floating 2000 miles over the phone line, but C settled for a polite, quiet, "yes." He is not taken in by my nonsense.

KO reports that he was in the middle of reading Harry Potter and had to stop reading to answer the phone because his mother was busy. In fact, C is something of a voracious reader, which proves that he is very much one of us, quiet as he is.

Thoughts on Family

The prompt at Sunday Scribblings is "I get that sinking feeling...."

JT has been gearing up for the school year by learning to spell his last name and thinking about his family. Every school year begins with a discussion of who you are and it always starts with family. When you are the child of a broken family, that's an experience fraught with the prospect of pain. He drew a picture of his family the other day, a drawing that included me, his mama; JT (taller than his mama, which is a little closer to reality than I am prepared to acknowledge); and our cats, Tiger and Lucy. He showed me the picture, which included all of our names, carefully spelled beneath our image.

I am always sad to see this picture of our family because another person used to make these drawings and her absence in his depiction is just a sinking feeling for me. I am reminded of our failure to give JT what I believe he deserves, a two-parent household. And because I worry about his heart, I gently suggested that maybe he could include Lisa in his drawing.

"No," he said decisively. "She left and doesn't live in my house. She's not in my family."

This explains how he feels and I can't tell him that he is wrong. She did leave and he knows it. And it strikes me again that there is a whole lot of wisdom in my brown-eyed boy, probably more than Lisa ever expected.

Update: Thanks to everyone for the supportive comments. I feel very well-loved this Sunday afternoon and that's a really good thing.

My (Deeply Disturbed) Life

School starts in a couple of weeks, meaning I will be required to dress like a grown up (bye bye flip flops) and teach America's youth. So I am in preparation mode, getting myself organized for the grind that is being a working single mama.

I have uploaded a photo of the chaotic floor in my bedroom, where all my big back-to-school creative brain power is being deployed. What we have here is books, shoes, my laptop, and laundry. These are pretty much the four essential ingredients in my life. I sit on my big bed (see photo), and listen to NPR while I work on stuff for teaching. It's like college all over again in that the bed is the apex of all intellectual thought. The cats often join me though their agenda is somewhat different from mine and tense discussions are sometimes overheard.

And now I shall reveal my fool-proof system for the creation of quality lessons in American Government: I write down what I want to say; I fine-tune with relevant details. Then, and only then, I check what Lowi and Ginsburg say about said topic in their bible of an American Government book. If my lesson is less dull than Lowi and Ginsburg, it stays. If not, that's why the computer has that handy delete button. No one taught this method in teacher school (perhaps because I didn't actually go to teacher school) but I'm pretty freakin' sure that it will revolutionize American education.

Stop the Madness

Instructed by my sister and encouraged by friends tired of seeing me in clothes that have grown far too big for the new, slightly-improved me, I recently went on-line at e-bay to sell some of my old clothes. It's like a whole other world over there and I was intrigued. By now the clothes have sold and I should be done with e-bay. Yet I'm not. I'm fascinated by the whole place and I have a long list of things that I am "watching" but never intend to buy. Loads of Coach purses and Vera Bradley bags are on sale at e-bay and because I love both things, I'm watching some of them.

I collect some particular antique dishes, so I am watching some of them. I watched an $800 antique butter dish for a few days (no one sprung for it). And hey, I need a new rug for my living room, so I'm watching a carpet or two. In the meantime, I'm prowling my house for things to sell. The cats are nervous and JT is wondering just how I would write up an e-bay ad to sell him.......................

Hardly used 7 year old, mostly house- trained. Reads; rides bike; needs instruction in laundry and toilet cleaning. Cute, slightly smelly (but in a good way). Sassy. G@@d deal!

Barack the House

Another entry in my presidential contenders series.

In 2004, when he was a candidate for the U.S. Senate, then Illinois House member Barack Obama gave an address to the Democratic National Convention. It was an impressive speech. I downloaded it on to my iTunes play list and I began to share it with my American Government students as an example of good political rhetoric. That fall Obama went on to win his Illinois Senate seat. And from the moment he hit the U.S. Senate, Obama's name has been on everyone's list of potential presidential contenders. So it's no surprise that 2007 finds Obama ranked among the first-tier candidates in the 2008 Democratic primary.

Why all the fuss?

For starters, there are his impressive credentials: he earned an undergraduate degree from Columbia University before he moved on to graduate from Harvard Law School. From there Obama went to Chicago where he met his wife and went to work as a community activist. Obama was elected to the Illinois state house at the age of 35 and since 2005 he's been in the U.S. Senate. He's African-American, with an immigrant father and a white mother. He represents an interesting and distinctly American life experience.

His views are generally mainstream, with a populist can-do rhetoric that evinces faith in the American promise. He's an articulate and impressive guy. But does he have what it takes to win the Democratic nomination?

Though he has sat for election on several occasions, the presidential nomination is actually the first competitive election Obama has faced. His earlier elections were unusual in that competition was virtually non-existent. In his 2004 Senate race, Obama's first opponent, Jack Ryan, self-destructed on his very own and was replaced by political lightening rod Alan Keyes. Obama reaped the reward of the GOP meltdown. This is important to understand because it enabled Obama to move himself toward the center and appeal to a diversity of Illinois interests. He can't do that in the 2008 race, which finds him needing to persuade first Democratic voters and then the national electorate. It's a different task and one Obama has never before faced.

In terms of policy positions, he isn't that distinct from Hilary Clinton or John Edwards, his fellow front-runners. The recent foreign policy snafu with Hilary was really a whole lot of smoke and mirrors emphasized by conventional media outlets that have grown tired of the endless debates about the same old things. Obama talks about needing better healthcare and education but he hasn't forwarded an actual plan. In a recent Iowa appearance, he commiserated with Iowans about the price of arugula at Whole Foods market, a mis-step that reveals him as something a little more elite than he likes to claim.

In the end, I think that Obama's task is harder than Clinton's or Edwards' because he is inexperienced, learning the ropes of a national campaign in some very bright lights. That inexperience is alluring to voters now, early on in an election featuring some very important issues of long-term importance in the United States. In 2008, we should be discussing some big questions: What are the long-term goals of American foreign policy? What should we do about the 46 million Americans who don't have health insurance? Is No Child Left Behind working or does public education need more radical reform? Is Social Security secure enough to manage the retirement of baby boomers and beyond? Do we need immigration reform? This list is already long and it's hardly exhaustive.

We can use some new faces and new ideas as we face these issues. And for this reason I think that Obama's candidacy is important. But in the end his inexperience will show. And as alluring as his new face is, voters in 2008 will look for familiar and experienced leaders. And Barack Obama doesn't make that cut.

Rethinking this Whole Grown-Up Thing

When I was about 10 years old, I began to actively yearn to be grown up. The freedom! The possibilities! The excitement!

But today I had one of those days that remind me being a grown-up is just so freaking over-rated. Ten years ago the prospect of freedom, possibilities, and excitement led me to plan a life with someone who has turned out to be so mean-spirited and unreliable as to utterly astound me. And now I'm living with the consequences of that dreamt-of adulthood freedom. And it sucks.

Not much to be done about it, of course, but to resign myself to this new version of my life.

When I was a little girl, my dad used to get up in the morning, jokingly raise his cup of coffee and announce, "hello world, you miserable place." My mother would admonish him and we'd all laugh.

It doesn't seem so funny today. Today it just seems painfully true.

Tuesday update: Thanks to everyone who let me know that they are with me in spirit. It meant a lot.