When I was about 10 years old, I began to actively yearn to be grown up. The freedom! The possibilities! The excitement!
But today I had one of those days that remind me being a grown-up is just so freaking over-rated. Ten years ago the prospect of freedom, possibilities, and excitement led me to plan a life with someone who has turned out to be so mean-spirited and unreliable as to utterly astound me. And now I'm living with the consequences of that dreamt-of adulthood freedom. And it sucks.
Not much to be done about it, of course, but to resign myself to this new version of my life.
When I was a little girl, my dad used to get up in the morning, jokingly raise his cup of coffee and announce, "hello world, you miserable place." My mother would admonish him and we'd all laugh.
It doesn't seem so funny today. Today it just seems painfully true.
Tuesday update: Thanks to everyone who let me know that they are with me in spirit. It meant a lot.