There is a line in the Indigo Girls’ song “Closer to Fine” that has always spoken to me. It’s both a comfort and a reminder that I should not give in to my fears: “…Darkness has a call that’s insatiable and lightness has a call that’s hard to hear.” I’ve thought of these lines a lot lately.
Since last November, I’ve spent a lot of weekends on my own. At first, there was the novelty of a weekend with no obligation to anyone but myself. That was freeing, especially as I realized that a house without tension was a really nice place to be; a truly comforting home. I renewed my joy in hosting people for supper. Come Spring, some of the novelty of these solitary weekends had worn off and I realized that I needed to make plans for weekends on my own. With Summer and its relaxed pace on the horizon, I knew I was at risk for the solitary weekends to become opportunities to reflect less on the pleasures of life on my own and more on what I’ve lost. Down that path lies a sadness that can’t change the past and won’t help my future. Planning and organization were the remedy. So making weekend plans and to-do lists became my companion.
I go for a walk in my favorite park. I schedule a long read and have an extra cup (or two!) of coffee. I’ve made time to write. I work on craft projects. This Summer, I’ve taken a few hours every other weekend for a pedicure and manicure, which I find immensely relaxing in the moment and deeply pleasing afterward. I take the time to make new and familiar recipes, set the table, and savor the food I’ve prepared. In the evening, I watch some TV and enjoy the ability to choose a show that I like. In this way, I’m finding my way forward, one to-do item at a time.
No comments:
Post a Comment