The Hard Part

JT was sick last week – an ear infection and what turned out to be bronchitus. Despite one round of antibiotics, he woke up at 3 am last night complaining that his ear hurt. I got him a warm compress and some tylenol and today we headed off to the doctor again. The school nurse had a look at his ear before we set out, so I knew it was probably an ear infection.

But still I worry. As we drove to the doctor, I watched in the rearview mirror as my sweet boy slipped off to sleep, peaked and feeling puny. I worried about the dark circles around his eyes. I worried about whether or not he can go to school tomorrow. The visit to the doctor didn't take long ---- the lungs sounded clean but the ear remains inflamed. A new antibiotic was prescribed.

The thing about being a single mom isn't the work. Moms do a lot of work, single or not. And we're a tough crowd so doing all the laundry, packing all the lunches and getting all the suppers on the table won't slow us down. But being on your own means that there is no one to share the worry, to help you give voice to your fears, to remind you that sometimes an ear infection is just an ear infection. And of course that means that there's no one to share the joy either. When your boy reads well ---- out loud and strong with confidence and excitement in his voice, there's no one else in the house to share your pride in this accomplishment.

And that is really the hardest part of doing this on my own. Joy shared really does multiple. Sorrows shared really do become lessened. I loved to share my joy in this miracle who is my son. I loved that there was someone else who took pride in him like I do. And I miss that part of being his mama. The part where I shared him with someone else who loved him as much as I do.