After years of using the same brand of, ahem, female protection, I recently realized that the tampon wrappers are printed with a combination of advice and cheering self-esteem mantras. They're sort of a combination of bad Chinese fortune cookies (sans actual cookie) and the platitudes of a half-assed guidance counselor. They're Fortune Tampons.
Among the useful tips:
"Mental attitude affects performance. You're a take-charge kind of girl!"
"Live fearlessly! Keep doing what you do."
"The score doesn't tell the whole story. Go get 'em!"
"Go get em! Reach for the finish line."
And then there is my personal favorite: "Play hard always. Go play. I've got your back."
This particular line is meant to be comforting, I suppose. But given the product in question, I fear it reveals an alarming lack of biological awareness. Dear Playtex Sport Tampons: It's not my back I am worried about.