"It's Time to Start Drinking, Grandma": Live Blogging the GOP Debate

The Backstory: I'm visiting family, the people responsible for making me a Democrat, and of course we're watching the Republican debate.  In this case, I mean the FOX news contest between the top
10, not the kiddie table 7.  My mom is going to take a drink of wine every time one of the candidates says something stupid and JT has suggested that she start the drinking now.

10:45
Debate is nearly over but, more to the point, I'm done with these jackals.  Kasich, Rubio are the winners.  Trump was Trump, which is to say mean and stupid.  Walker, Paul, and Bush rambled. Christie, Huckabee, and Cruz were also-rans.  Carson was the least adept. This debate damaged him. And none of them are ready for prime time and Hillary Clinton.

10:43
Huckabee says the military is not a social experiment and so forget transgendered soldiers.  I guess he forgot about desegregation of the armed services.

10:42
Scott Walker is gonna fight in Syria and Ukraine. So that's great.

10:41
Carson distinctly unimpressive. Wouldn't vote for him and probably wouldn't let him near my neurological system either.

10:38
Ted Cruz woke up and says we have abandoned our allies.  Which allies?

10:36
Wait...."Straight Outta Compton" ad during GOP debate?

10:34
Social issues went fast.  Foreign policy is next.

10:30
Kasich has a gay friend.  Got it.

10:26
Trump is comparing himself to Reagan.  Oh man.  Trump is also really incoherent at this point. Maybe he's playing a GOP debate drinking game.

10:25
And now they are eager to end rape and health of the mother exemptions to abortion bans.  Sheesh.

10:23
Everyone eager to defund Planned Parenthood.

10:18
Finally a topic they agree on: Iran is evil.  Social issues are next.  Bring on the lady-hating and gay-bashing!

10:17
Ted Cruz has been sent to bed.

10:14
When candidates say "we need to repeal and replace Obamacare" I wonder what kind of replacement they envision.

10:10
And Trump gets the bankruptcy questions. Awesome. And he's just mean when challenged.  In a nutshell, he promises to use the chapter laws to declare the U.S. bankrupt.  And just like that, we fuck over our creditors and crater our economy. Bonus!

10:09
Will someone tell Huckabee that the government actually belongs to the people?

10:07
Realizing that none of these dudes is going to say that black lives matter.

10:05
Uncle M: "I listen to these questions and ask why anybody would vote for any of these guys." Checkmate.

10:03
Jeb Bush asked how he plans to get us to 4% growth.  He'll do it with "lifted spirits and high expectations."  So that's a good plan; solid on the foundations.  I'm in.

10:00
When Kasich explains that he balanced the budget is the 90s, I notice that he doesn't mention that he did it with President Bill Clinton.

9:59
Now shifting to the take-a-shot-at-Hillary Clinton round of questions.

9:52
Hey, Dr. Carson, isn't a proportional tithe-based tax system also known as a progressive tax system? Asking for a friend.

9:49
Scott Walker was on break but he's back to insult Hillary Clinton. That's the one thing they agree upon: she is the devil.

9:47
Trump says insurance companies are making a fortune so he wants a private insurance system. Whaaaaat?  Then he insults Rand Paul which is pleasing.

9:45
The ISIS answers are confusing and boring.  The 15 year olds have tapped out of the debate.

9:40
Is Ben Carson still on the stage?  Uncle M says the second round of questions is best characterized as "fight, fight, fight."

9:38
I know it's petty but I really hate Rand Paul's voice.

9:37
Christie gets bonus points for the emotional invocation of September 11.  And by bonus points, I mean cringe-worthy.

9:35
Ted Cruz, a member of the U.S. Senate, calls Congress "the Washington cartel." Awesome.

9:32
My son: "Hold up. Does Trump really want to build a wall on the border?"  When we confirm that is exactly what he wants, the 15 year olds shake their heads.

9:30
The Sassafras Family reluctantly concludes that Fox News is asking decent questions.

9:25
Bush is actually reasonably moderate on immigration, at least as his party goes.  Here comes Trump on the immigration question...he thinks that the issue has only started to matter since he started talking about it.  Which, umm, is false.  Gonna take a drink.

9:20
Since when is John Kasich the voice of reason?  This shit is scary.

9:18
Props to Huckabee for the "Supreme Court isn't a Supreme being" line.  Heartening to hear that he believes in the 5th and 14th amendments, even if he intends to use it for diminishing the rights of American women.

9:16
Christie defends the New Jersey miracle by lying about everything....taxes, job growth, balanced budget...the whole deal.

9:15
Uncle M, my brother-in-law,  feels like the first round of debate questions is based on the principle that "you guys suck."

9:11
Trump looks like a man who just sucked on a lemon while Megan Kelly is asking for his feminist creds.  Turns out Trump isn't afraid to be "politically incorrect."  Also, he just called America losers.

9:09
Jeb Bush is taking a question on dynastic politics and he says not to worry, he'll work hard to get the job.  Fine, but the way he tilts his head is tiresome.