Wrapping My Mind Around It

JT has been gone for the last two weeks, his annual vacation with his other mother, and I have been in a quiet house for some of the time.  Not all of it —— T and I made one of our annual adventures, and I made plans for some evenings. I worked most of the days,  but I’ve had some evenings to myself.

That’s time to relax and not be a responsible parent (and when you are the mother of a teenage driver, you sure as hell need time off from that).  My house is clean, my laundry is caught up, the TV is mine to watch (and without interruption).  It’s weird and nice in equal measure and a reminder of the lifestyle that is coming my way soon.

It’s strange and sometimes difficult to head into this coming September with the thought that this is my last school year as a full-time mama of a living-at-home child.  On the one hand, it feels like a foreign landscape.  For the first time in nearly 18 years, the prospect of the next season doesn’t just mean snowfalls or tulips peaking through the ground.  The next season also feels like one filled with endings…..the last time I will make JT’s picture on the first days of school, the last snow days JT and I will enjoy together, my final seasons as a parent cheering on her son in an RPS jersey…so many lasts that they stack up in a way that is sometimes hard to contemplate.  I expect that among the uncertainties to come, there will also be blessings to enjoy.  But uncertainty remains part of the picture for now and I’m the sort of person who likes a spoiler, so uncertainty is unsettling.

Of course, it’s easy to miss your 17 year old when he’s been away for two weeks.  When he returns with bushels of attitude, piles of laundry, and multiple expensive requests, it might be a whole lot easier to embrace a future when our paths will diverge.   I am genuinely excited for this next chapter in JT’s world.  It’s thrilling to see a boy who was once every inch a Peter Pan as he walks toward greater independence and autonomy, prepared to actually grow up.  And I’m excited for me and T, as we embark on the next steps in our life together.  For now, however, daily life will once again feature a boy.  And though it won't always be so sweet, I’m looking forward to his loud and messy return.