The Universe is Looking Out for Me

Next week, I turn 39, the age that no one claims. Last year, when I turned 38, the prospect of 39 was exciting. I thought about ending one decade of life and starting another with my partner and my son at my side. But in the intervening year, my partner of nine years walked out, leaving me a suddenly single mama.

It was a sucker punch and I'm still recovering. I haven't really looked forward to my birthday this year, because it seems like a marker of a life gone off its intended track. The last 5 months have taken me places that I never wanted to go and it hasn't always been easy.

When I'm being totally honest, there have been some good things that I have also found of late. Being on my own again is like meeting up with my old self; a person whom I liked. I've met new people and done new things. The TV has been on less and there's been more time for reading books. I've found strength that I didn't think I had, and my friends have been terrific. My son has proven to be a source of amazing wisdom, kindness and strength.

But still and all, I turn 39 on Monday and I'm in such a different place than I was last year at this time; an unexpected place. I look in the mirror, wondering if the age shows, wondering how I look to the world. When your partner leaves you for someone else, you're bound to feel some doubts.

But in this week when I prepare to turn 39 and worry about how I look, people have come out of the woodwork to tell me that I look good; healthy and happy. It's almost funny, the number of compliments that I have received. If I didn't know better, I'd think that someone sent out an e-mail when I wasn't looking....."Pssst: tell Stacy she looks great.....pass it on."

Or maybe it's the universe reminding me that I'm going to be okay. Maybe this is how I will learn that life's unexpected turns needn't be unhappy ones.