My job is mostly performed on my feet. And at the end of a day on my feet, I like to head to the gym and run. On my feet. Running is a lot more enjoyable when my feet don't hurt. The upshot of this personal reality is that I am careful of my feet. I have a preference for comfortable shoes with a good deal of arch and heel support. Admittedly, this likely means that I'm not particularly stylish. As it turns out, I don't care so much about that. Having seen what "stylish" looks like, I'll take a pass and opt for functional feet. I think the rest of the population should follow in my foot-steps and I'd like to propose a shoe dress code to make it happen. This is for your own good, America. On my banned list.....
Heels over 2 inches tall
Heels so high that you cannot walk in a sturdy fashion do not make you look sexy. You do look silly, and that's the best thing I can say about that. And beware: those heels place you in much greater danger that your already far too-short skirt will reveal more than you intended to reveal. At least I hope that's more than you intended to reveal…..eeeep, I say. Eeeep.
Lest you think I'm picking on high heel wearers…..let's talk about those dreadful fleece-lined Ugg boots and suede slippers people stomp about in. If you must wear this footwear (say, you live in an igloo and are chilled to the bone; you're a guest at my home), for heaven's sake PICK UP YOUR FEET when you walk. Nothing quite sets me an edge like my fellow citizens dragging their feet as they walk through life. Cut that shit out, people. Stat.
And what is the deal with untied laces?
Frequently, I see people (let's admit it....they are mostly young, though one hopes old enough to know how to tie their own shoes) slouching about with nice shiny sneakers, carefully laced up, and then left untied. Why is this stylish? How can it be comfortable? Are these folks in need of the instant ability to step out of their shoes and run free in their socks? I don't understand. And more to the point: I don't approve.
I expect there are other styles of footwear worthy of banning and as the nation's primary advocate of Shoe Authoritarianism, I'll be happy to add them to the list. Let me know, Internet. I'm ready to act.