This year I've decided to re-read the L.M. Montgomery books about Anne of Green Gables. There are 6 all together in the series and as an adolescent I loved those books for several reasons. I loved them for the hopeful story ---- about a young orphan girl who finds a home and family with an aging brother and sister, the Cuthberts ---- and for the beautiful descriptions of Prince Edward Island.
But mostly I loved them because of Anne's rich inner life. Anne has a dramatic, expansive imagination and she uses it to imagine herself right into a very happy life. As a girl, I was an inveterate daydreamer myself, imagining a future life well-different from my suburban California existence. I dreamt of new places and new experiences. Like Anne, I believed that in dreaming and imagining, I could make my deepest desires come true. I thought of Anne as my secret soul mate. Finally, someone who felt just like me, even if she was just a character in a book. I daydreamed myself right into adulthood and beyond, with myriad plans for my future.
That's a secret I've never told anyone.
19 months ago the daydreaming suddenly halted. I thought that it would be temporary but the daydream drought continues. I think it's one of the reasons I have had such a difficult time adjusting to the change in my world. For the first time in my life, I can't daydream; I cannot picture my future. My imagination fails me so much these days that I have trouble picturing the end of the month, let alone some point in the future when I will feel whole again. My imagination is no longer up to the challenge of picturing my future and I hadn't realized how much I would miss it. So it's been nice to make Anne's acquaintance again, to realize that it will be well worth my time to work a little harder to re-acquaint myself with the part of me who isn't afraid to dream of the future.