Last night my son saw my ex, a woman whom he calls mommy. He loves her but she doesn't live with us anymore and so he misses her as well. He came back home after the visit and supper with her and her new girlfriend, and he told me that he wishes Mommy would just come home.
So I gently explained, as I have done on many occasions, that Mommy doesn't want to live in our home anymore. And I say that it wasn't his fault that she left and I remind him that she still loves him very much.
And I can tell that my answers and explanations fall short of the mark. But I don't know what else to do or to say. I feel our failure to make the relationship work most acutely at these moments, when I am trying to explain the unthinkable to the little boy who must live with it.
So if I had just one second chance, I'd make sure that his family stayed together. It seems like such a simple wish, but it isn't simple at all. And I fear that it will complicate my life --- and his --- forever.
7 comments:
The older I get, the truer it seems... there is no smooth sailing, only varying degrees of rapids.
Keep your feet together and pointed downriver.
Second chances are not always about reconstructing the past, but optimizing the future.
Sharkb is correct.
The pangs of regret are sharpest when the wounds are still fresh.
At the risk of sounding like a tv psychologists, I doubt you need a second chance anyway. If the relationship fell apart you both would.
I think sometimes kids as questions as a form of protest, not because they don't understand.
and yeah, yeah, all the encouraging, optimistic stuff, too :-)
I loved Shelley's comment- I would agree with her... I know your son will understand... one day...
Stacy -
I had a very bad first marriage, from which came my daughter Jennifer. My ex and I do not see eye to eye, but we have both shown our daughter that we love her. We never discouraged her from embracing the love we each feel for her.
Jennifer is 34, very well adjusted, and successful. From this I've come to believe it is the love shown by the parent to the child that is of the most importance.
I feel for you and your son. Please don't beat yourself up about your decision, you probably did what you think is best for you and your son.
Post a Comment