Road Trip

We set off in my sister's mini-van on Wednesday. The boys sat 3-abreast in the back row, ready for some DVD viewing. KO drove and Mom road shotgun. I sat in the second row ----a comfy seat and close to the boy action, so that I could distribute snacks, fix headphones, and issue threats. The boys watched "Leave it to Beaver" while the grown-ups chatted and listened to KO's music. Everyone was happy.

My sister is a good driver and she knows her way around LA. But she is heavily dependent on her quick reflexes and quality brakes, which she applies with great force as needed. The result of this driving technique is that my mother holds tight to her seat and applies the imaginary brake with her right foot. This is fun to watch for a while, though it can lead to tension, as when my sister told my mother that she would be demoted to the middle row if she stomped a hole in the floorboard. I kept quiet and watched the show.

The ride south was good and, except for the boys asking every 45 minutes if we were almost there, was also fairly uneventful. Heading home was another matter. Within seconds of departure, Spencer announced that we should have flown home. He then explained that he "could not take anymore." With another 4 hours to drive, this seemed ominous. He whinged and moaned for 30 minutes before we moved him up to the second row, with advice that he fall asleep. Then JT announced that he had to pee. NOW. So KO pulled over to a Wendy's in Valencia and while JT and Cole went inside to pee, Spencer hurled in the parking lot. Not good.

Aunty Stacy obtained a Coke for the hurling party and then made a strategic error by also giving JT a Coke. We got back on the road and KO turned off the DVD player so that Spence would sleep. And then, perhaps to appease the children and perhaps to see if I would lose my cool, she turned on the Kidzbop CD. Spence slept and, in an effort to escape the music, I also went to my happy place.

45 minutes later, JT woke me with another request to pee. Those of you who know JT know that he loves public bathrooms and has made a virtual hobby of peeing all over America. On our flight out here from Philadelphia to Denver he made 4 trips to the bathroom, once announcing (loudly) that he didn't flush. After living 6 years with my son, I have become immune and mostly just let him go whenever (and wherever) he pleases.

KO said that if we stopped Spence would awaken. But Mama had a solution: JT could pee in an empty water bottle. All over America, frat boys do this on a daily basis so I figured that JT could just learn this particular skill a little early.

But alas, Mr. Prep School was horrified at this idea and pledged to "hold it." Naturally, after all the chatter and back and forth, Spence woke up. So we stopped to pee. Again. This time, I didn't get anyone a Coke.

10 minutes later, we were back on the road with a new soundtrack: Disney folk songs. By now, we were on Highway 99 ---- a little more than halfway home ----but we were pressed for time. KO had a 2 pm appointment to have a cracked window in her bedroom replaced. So all parties were informed that there would be no more stopping and KO applied her KYV strategy (Know Your Vehicle), weaving in and out of lanes, speeding us homeward.

We made it with 2 minutes to spare. But I'm willing to bet that JT will not be invited on another H'dinger road trip very soon.

PS: The photo is of Spencer, in a position that he claimed would make his tummy feel better.