Kitten Confidential

The goal: break the spirit of the big girl so that the little boy can stay home all day to play with us while the alleged "grown up" sobs quietly in the corner, but still regularly refills the kitty chow bowl.

Phase I: Sleep deprivation and general mayhem

8 pm
When she opens the door to the attic playroom, run up there and hide. Prove difficult to capture.

9 pm
When the big one gives up the hunt and goes to bed, stroll downstairs and nonchalantly flick your tail in her face while she's reading a book.

1:30 am
Tip over jewelry box on the radiator and bat earrings around on the floor.

3 am
Lie down on pillow of the big one; bat her ponytail until she pathetically begs you to stop.

5 am
Claw at bedding of big one, creating fear that a sharp claw will get her.

6:10 am
Lie in warm flannel nest recently vacated by the girl when she gets in the shower.

6:25 am
Tiger: Tip over the cow creamer, spilling half and half all over the counter and the floor.

Lucy: Distract the girl from impending creamer disaster by clawing at package of chicken on the counter.

6:30 am
While the girl cleans up the cream, claw open the chicken package and feast on raw poultry. Yummy.

6:50 am
Just when girl feels she has things under control and goes to wake up the little boy, hop in the sink and flip her the kitty middle finger when she returns to the kitchen.

7 am
Declare victory for kittens everywhere.