For the past four months, I have been looking for an instruction manual for the human heart. One that will pinpoint the day and time that I won't hurt anymore; with an exact guide to the moment when sudden sadness will no longer over take and sometimes overwhelm me. I'd like an instruction book that tells me when it will all be okay again.
Saturday was the autumnal equinox, a day of the year when the light and dark are exactly equal. It's a good time for reflection and new beginnings. A time to think about where I've been and where I am headed. A time to write my own, admittedly imperfect guide to my imperfect heart.
So I took a walk in the woods and I collected some red leaves and for a while I just breathed deeply and tried to clear my mind. And then I decided to write the beginnings of instruction manual for my heart, thinking about something to let go of and something else to let in. I thought about what I need to let go of ---- the hurt, the anger, the sadness, and the disappointment about the failure of my relationship with Lisa. I could do with less of that. And I want to make room for happiness, for new experiences, and for overwhelming joy to make a return to my life. I'm ready for some more good things.
This isn't quite the instruction manual that I envisioned when I first thought about it. It will require greater patience than I sometimes have with myself. But it's a start and that will do for now.
1 comment:
This was a moving post, it's something I struggle with too. I keep telling myself, if you can't feel pain, you can't feel joy or love either, and try not to harden myself. Anyway, it helped to read your post. Thanks.
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