You, Full Force

One of the blessings of being a teacher ---- that 3 month summer vacation ---- is sometimes also a curse. Because there is this day in June when you abruptly set aside a big part of your life, the being a teacher part, and do other things for the next 3 months. Don't get me wrong – the break is welcome and restful. But it's always been hard for me to make the transition on either side of vacation. As excited as I am to start the summer, it's hard to end the school year. And as prepared as I think I am, as ready to start anew as I can be, it's also hard to go back to classes.

This year the end of the school year was harder than normal. And though I'm ready to go back to work, it's also hard in a new and unexpected way. JT will start the 1st grade without Mommy to make his breakfast, wish him good luck, and take his picture on the front porch. And I will start the year as a single working mama. We've had plenty of practice with life as a two-some. But I'm still afraid.

When Lisa first left I was so sad, scared, and overwhelmed. I was worried about JT and sad for all the things he would never again do with his Mommy. But my friend E told me not to worry about the end of things for JT. She said that for a child life was full of first things and at the age of 6 JT had so many firsts still ahead of him. That was so comforting to me at the time and as the summer progressed. And E was so right; my boy is all about the firsts.

So as I struggle with this new first for me --- teaching without a partner to share my life, going to work as a single mama --- E once again offered some advice. She said that being back at work would let me be "you, full force" and would remind me of how good a teacher I am, how much I love what I do, and how exciting it is to watch young minds develop.

She says it will be easier and better than I think it will be. And I trust this a lot because E knows me so well and she is almost always right about this sort of thing.

So I will be me, full force. And it will be good.