Friday, January 23, 2009

Five Reasons I'll Never Rule the World

While I am a fan of self-reflection, occasionally it lends itself to the recognition of facts that, ahem, reflect poorly on me. For example:

1. I am ridiculously pleased when my panties and bra match. And if they match my outfit, that's even better.

2. I cannot use the flame thrower to light candles or the outdoor grill. Sometimes I meet with success but, honestly, if I need to light something, I'm better off with a match. It's a hand coordination problem. No wonder I never beat JT at the Wii.

3. I'm the sort of mother who thinks I've failed if I put store-bought cookies in my son's lunchbox. Nine years of higher education; endless coursework in women's studies...but I fear I've failed Motherhood 101 if the cookies are corporate.

4. It pleases me to make my bed each morning. You could bounce a quarter off that bed when I am through. But what good comes from this skill?

5. I've been known to spend well over 15 minutes of precious morning time selecting the day's ponytail holder (which I mostly wear on my wrist....not in a ponytail at all). What is that about?

It's becoming more obvious why I haven't made the Nobel Prize committee's list of finalists.

3 comments:

Nichole said...

I bet men consider none of these things. Women are so hard on themselves and each other. When we were kids, our moms had to make homemade cookies because corporate cookies didn't exist. Women care more about their appearance (hence the ponytail issue and the matching undies) because we are judged more on our appearance. Plus, who doesn't like to have their undies and bra match?? I bet Gloria Steinem has matched sets! ;)

JAXTER said...

Maybe if those who actually do rule the world took the time to consider some of these issues we would have a healthier happier planet?

Sharkbuttocks said...

2. I cannot use the flame thrower to light candles or the outdoor grill. Sometimes I meet with success but, honestly, if I need to light something, I'm better off with a match. It's a hand coordination problem. No wonder I never beat JT at the Wii.

This is Jersey, with a flamethrower, you would also qualify for a henchperson.