Another Saturday Visit

Lisa and JT had their longest visit yet this weekend ---- almost 6 hours. When she arrived he was upstairs getting dressed and I asked her, "How do you stand not seeing him every day?" She looked at me, surprised that I asked, and then said, "I wish I could see him more." Then we waited silently for the two of them to leave.

What I wanted to say (but didn't) was, "you used to see him every day without ever appreciating it." After all, we are talking about the woman who missed the kindergarten Mother's Day Tea without expressing even a moment of regret about doing so. Who didn't attend a single school field trip this year, who rarely supervised the daily homework. This is a woman who never minded that she sometimes had to work late and sometimes saw JT for less than 60 minutes a day. I didn't understand that either.

I realize that we do not share the same values anymore. I ask myself if we ever did. I just don't know. It would kill me not to see my sweet boy every day. I count on the lifeline that he provides me. The sound of his voice and the beauty of his laugh make me smile every day. I will always be here for him. Always.

While they were gone, I talked with my sister, called my friends A & M, painted my toenails, and had a rest. Then I made my weekly transfer of funds to Target, picked up some new jammies and a swimsuit for JT, and bought us both some new washrags, a fuzzy blanket for cuddling on the sofa, and a new bathmat (thanks to A & M for the gift card that bought us those treats). It was nice to be out and doing things, though it will take me a while to get used to replacing unstructured weekend family time with this new schedule of enforced separation.

In a few weeks, JT and I will head out of town for vacation with our friends the R-K family. We are both looking forward to it. JT won't see Lisa while we are gone but he doesn't seem to mind.

It's hard to stay connected to someone you only see for 6 hours a week.