The Measure of a Life

Today was a funny day in so many ways. I got a tiny glimpse of how Lisa views herself and I was embarrassed and sad for her. I realized anew that my friend A really gets it. I cut the grass by myself for the third week in a row and realized how much I enjoy that household chore. I swapped babysitting time with my friend W and enjoyed the way our children played with one another. I felt a little lonely as I planned JT's time at camp without Lisa to help me bounce around ideas. I spent some time daydreaming about an upcoming vacation that I see as an opportunity to put some time and distance between JT and me and the hurt Lisa caused. I made happy plans for the rest of my week.

And here at the end of the day, I feel just a little bit hopeful about the future. On the phone tonight, my friend T repeated a line that Dumbledore says in one of the Harry Potter films. He says, "the measure of a life is not the talents you possess but the choices you make."

JT and I are learning to live with the choice that Lisa made. It isn't easy and the wound is still pretty raw. I wonder if she will ever understand the enormous hurt she has caused. I wonder if she sees in her choice the distance that will slowly divide her from JT. I ask myself if she knows what choosing a new life with a new woman will really mean down the line. I try to make peace with the fact that I will never know the answers to these questions.

And as JT and I are starting to make choices for ourselves, starting to put our life back together, I am deeply aware that the choices we make will be the measure of our lives.