"Tell JT his Mommy Left Because his Mama is a Bitch"

I've had better mornings.

Last night I sent an e-mail to Lisa and Liz to let them know that I am aware of their relationship, to tell them that I won't lie to anyone on their behalf, to let them know that people are asking questions, and to remind them both that JT is to have no contact with Liz. My message was cordial, as cordial as a message like that can be.

Most of my conversations with Lisa in the last month have been cold, with some anger, and a great deal of defensiveness on her part. This morning she phoned and she was red-hot angry, shouting at me that it was none of my business what she was doing, and telling me that the senior management at her work knows about her relationship with Liz, and that I shouldn't interfere with her. She was at once defensive and defiant, telling me that it's no one's business what she does in her personal life. She even said, "I was careful never to lie to you about Liz."

That careful parsing of her language tells me that she's been working with lawyers just a little too closely.

I pointed out that she drafts the messaging for family and marriage at her workplace and that she could hardly be surprised to learn that some people don't approve of what she's doing. She sang the same old tune at that point: she was just being honest, and that leaving me was the best thing for all of us. I said that JT doesn't really get the nuance that Mommy left Mama, not him. I said that it was hard for me to answer him when he placed a penny in a wishing well and asked me if his wish for Mommy to come home would come true.

That's when she said it: "Tell JT his Mommy left because his Mama is a bitch."

For once, I was the one to hang up on her. A few minutes later, she phoned back to apologize and to say that she just wants to do what's best for JT, and to say that she understood that I was angry and hurt. Indeed. I reminded her of the new bottom line: that we are no longer partners, no longer equal in terms of our responsibility for JT's life. That I am JT's Mama and I will never leave.

Her defensiveness, her anger, and her blustering threats suggest a woman who doesn't feel as confident of her position as she once was. She doesn't seem to realize what a bad spot she is in, and threatening me isn't going to help. She ended our conversation by telling me that she wanted our discussions about JT to be cordial.

I know that she apologized but I just keep hearing that ugly phrase in my mind. It
looks to me that we are a long, long way away from being cordial.